Why Traveling with Kids is Hell (and Why I’ll Continue to Do It)
Why Traveling with Kids is Hell (and Why I’ll Continue to Do It) The Memory Game There are roughly 50 or so people who have what’s called Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory, or HSAM for short. These people basically have a much, much higher ability to recall events in their life than the average person. For example, someone with HSAM could tell you what happened to him or her on January 2nd of this year – oh, and last year, and the year before, and the 20 years before that. My personal belief is that people with HSAM do not travel with young children very often. I, on the other hand, am not blessed (cursed?) with HSAM. In fact, because my memory is so poor, my wife thinks I may have Alzheimer’s and early-onset dementia. I cannot tell you how many times she’s said this to me. No, literally, I cannot tell you how many times she’s said this to me. I barely remember what I wrote a paragraph ago. Give me a second to read it. Reading now. Ok, yes, that’s where I was going with this. Since my ability to recall is so very poor, I frequently travel with my children because I always seem to forget how hard it was the time before. Traveling With Kids Our recent trip to St. Thomas was long, tiresome, and frustrating at times. But in the weeks that have passed, I can barely recall those difficult times. It’s like a mountain of memories worn down by time, where only the good ones remain. And who can forget falling in love again? I’ll explain later… The four of us (me, wife, girl aged two and a half, boy aged six months) left our house in San Diego at 1am on less than two hours’ sleep to get to Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) by 3am. Humans are not supposed to be up at this time. In fact, we had to wake up the attendant at the airport-parking garage to park our car. It’s his job to be awake at this time and even he couldn’t do it. Dazed and confused children were awoken and two 50lb. suitcases were unloaded (along with three carry-ons, two car seats, one stroller, and half of a toy store). We looked like we just reached Ellis Island after months of crossing the Atlantic. The shuttle to the airport picked us up and off we were, two hours into our 20-hour journey. Obligatory Airline-Luggage-Weight Rant Airlines are crazy about the number of bags you can check and the weight of those bags. I understand – added weight is expensive and kills profit margin. But this craziness appears arbitrary at best, ignorant at worst. As I mentioned, we packed two 50lb. bags, one for each adult. On American Airlines, 50 lbs. is the exact weight limit of a checked bag. Even one pound over the limit will cost you $100. When we put our bags on the scale, one weighed in at 48lbs. and the other came in at 51lbs. Of course. The airline employee gave us a look of disapproval (which she’s mastered by the way) and demanded $100. Our options were simple – pay $100, or open both bags and frantically rearrange everything to equal out the weight while the counter agent impatiently waits. Not a big deal, really, right? Except when you consider that I had to pay full price for the seat that my 30 lb. two-and-a-half-year-old daughter (with no checked baggage) would occupy. Her weight combined with the weight of our two checked bags wouldn’t even equal the weight of the average American FEMALE, which is about 145 lbs. So we’re a good deal for the airline, right? Well, let me be a pound overweight with my bags then, ok? Not a chance. This frustration has led to a lot of daydreaming for me. I’ve sometimes envisioned trying to check in a bag only to be told that it’s a couple pounds overweight. In my daydream, I would open up my suitcase and then just start putting all of my packed clothes on me. Like, just wearing four t-shirts, three sweatshirts, a jacket, five pairs of socks, and two pairs of pants onto the plane. Tell me this wouldn’t work and wouldn’t be worth saving the $100. As far as I know, Samoa Air is the only airline that weighs each passenger before boarding and determines the price based on that weight. Their motto of pay by weight is “Pay only for what you weigh.” Also, even better, the brilliant, “A kilo is a kilo is a kilo,” which I can’t, but should, stop saying to my wife. This is the fairest system I know of. But this would obviously never fly (excuse the pun) in the US since having a giant scale to publicly admonish American citizens seems too European to catch on here. But just think about how that would change your vacation preparation: Jill: You look great Tina, what’s happening? New Diet? Tina: Oh thanks, I just have a tropical vacation coming up. Jill: Oh, of course. You have to get that bikini body. I get it. Tina: No Jill. That’s not it at all. The only way I can afford this ticket is if I lose 25lbs. Random Travel Musings Airline miles are wonderful. In fact, I haven’t technically paid full-price for an airline ticket in seven years. But, holy wow, do they go out of their way to give you the worst possible routes. I first learned this during a 10-hour layover in Bahrain during a 32-hour trip to Nepal. Our trip to St. Thomas involved three flights with very long layovers. Admittedly, the layovers were great for the kids, I suppose, but really just made a long day even longer. There is no worse time for a child to have the biggest meltdown of their life than when an entire plane is asleep (including a younger sibling). It happened