I’m not being paid to write this, but I did receive perks and special treatment from Royal Jordanian (“RJ”, as its friends call it). So my unbiased opinion is that RJ IS THE GREATEST AIRLINE THAT EVER EXISTED! Read on for more of my impartial, unprejudiced, non-partisan, detached, neutral, objective experience with RJ.

So, we started our journey with RJ in the country of Cyprus. Here is where I would tell you more about Cyprus, only we never really experienced Cyprus. We only stayed in the hotel equivalent of a halfway house in a derelict part of the city of Larnaca. I only left the hotel once, to take the kids on a prostitute-themed tour of the city. Everyone was amused, yet incredibly frightened (and I’m just talking about the prostitutes here). I have many great stories about what happened next but…Wait, why are you trying to divert me from my story? Stay focused! This is about my experience with RJ! 

The Cyprus airport is nice enough. And, apparently I didn’t know this before, but Larnaca, Cyprus is super close to Amman, Jordan. It’s about an hour-and-ten-minute flight. So, if you find yourself stuck in the seedy part of Larnaca, Cyprus, do yourself a favor and hop on a quick flight to Jordan. And do it with RJ. 

RJ, being true to its name, treated us like royalty. The check-in was smooth (the Larnaca airport didn’t appear to be very busy at all). The assistance through security was great. The airport lounge (not RJ’s, but shared by all airlines) was acceptable. Yada yada. But the flight experience with RJ is what we’re here to really talk about.  

And I’m the guy who usually shits all over airlines. Because, let’s be honest, airlines aren’t in the business of making us happy (I’d argue that, even in Business Class, this is true). They’re in the business of getting us from one place to the next as cheaply as possible but with juuuuuust enough comfort so that why don’t all revolt with torches and pitchforks. But RJ is no American Airlines, Delta, Spirit, British Airways, Air France, Ryanair, Aegean Airlines, WOW Airlines (are they still around?), Air China, Air Europa, I could go on. RJ actually treated us like the semi-dignified humans beings we are pretend to be

We live in the time of COVID. So air travel (any travel?) is certainly a concern during this difficult time. But RJ had all the safety features you’d expect – completely in order. First, we all had our temperatures taken right when we boarded. Second, the employees were entirely covered in safety gear (not just face, but full-body). Third, there were safety packages given to each and every one of us with all the sanitation gels, face masks, military-grade body power washers, etc. you’d expect. Plus, I mean, THEY GAVE US TEA SERVICE FOR PETE’S SAKE! Just amazing. 

Now, once onboard, we had a great entertainment option. I know an hour and ten minutes isn’t long, but damnit, my kids need constant entertainment (this is me shaking my head right now, aware of how I’ve failed as a parent). RJ’s “Sky Connect” was just the solution. My kids got to use their mobile devices/iPads/laptops/Kindles/personal butler robots to access a wireless link through their browsers onboard. It had a wide collection of games, movies, tv shows, and anything else that would stop them from constantly needing me to do something for them. I was all-in. 

What else? 

Oh, I just talked about a short-haul flight. What about the long-haul ones you say…?

Well, we flew from Amman, Jordan back to Chicago, USA on a brilliant 787 Dreamliner. If you haven’t been on one of these, these are the airplanes that have that wonderful glow emanating from the windows. It’s so simple, so zen. It’s a wonder why all airlines don’t do this. 

Also, I never used to care about legroom, seat size, seat cushion, etc. But, man-oh-man, try flying across the Atlantic in the old WOW Airlines airplanes. It feels like you’re sitting in a cheap, folding lawn chair with another cheap, folding law chair pressed firmly against your knees. At any moment it could collapse in on itself, somehow crushing you under its flimsy aluminum weight, slowly suffocating the life out of you, and leading to the second-worst obituary ever (second only to the owner of the Segway company who accidentally drove his Segway off a cliff). Compared to seats like this, the 787 Dreamliner is like your grandpa’s favorite La-Z-Boy recliner. 

Additionally, RJ gave us a whole cake and two bottles of wine on the flight! I’ll repeat. A WHOLE CAKE…TWO BOTTLES OF WINE!! I’m not saying the same will happen to you, but, c’mon. Who does this?? I may or may not have told US customs about the wine…shhhhhhhhhh. 

And now that you got me on the subject of food…and before I forget…the RJ Lounge in Amman was spectacular. They had a huge spread waiting for us. A full-alcohol bar. Soft-serve yogurt. Pizza bar. Massive amounts of space to spread out into. Tame, synchronized-dancing crocodiles. Simply everything (except the crocodiles)!

This was not our first trip on RJ, nor will it be the last. Thus, I officially give RJ my super-duper stamp of approval. Five emoji airplanes out of a possible five on my non-existent, made-up airline rating system.

Cheers and happy flying.