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Where the Kids Roam

Adventures in Parenting Adventures with Kids

Rho Takes a Break

Because life is exhausting. 

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wherethekidsroam
On Christmas, it’s easy to forget that life is t On Christmas, it’s easy to forget that life is the greatest gift of all. And since I already gave life to three (arguably four) of the people in this picture, I’m saddened and dismayed by the surprise, disappointment, and utter revulsion in their faces every single damn year they find me alone and naked (save for a strategically-placed bow) under the otherwise empty Christmas tree saying things like, “You’re welcome for your life, bitches” and “I’m the real gift that doesn’t need to keep on giving.” It’s almost like they’re not thankful, or something. 😕 Umm, anyhow…Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄🤶🏼🎅🏿 #christmasmagic #familytravel #holidayswithkids #familychristmas #familychristmasphoto #familychristmaspictures #goodbye2021
If you take three shots of tequila, spin around un If you take three shots of tequila, spin around until you’re dizzy, and then frantically blink while trying to focus on all five of us at once in this static photo, it will look just like those Instagram Reels that are so popular right now. Try it. It should be fun (send me videos of your failed attempts please). 🙋🏼‍♂️🤢 So…Greece. What can I say? Well, I treat countries we visit (and love) the same way high school boys say mean things to girls they actually like. So, Greece, you ugly slut, I wouldn’t date you in a million years even if someone paid me but…umm, like, umm, would you go to the prom with me…if I can’t find anyone better? 😘 #greecelover Finally, I’ve never created a fundraiser before, but Instagram gives me the option to, apparently 🤷🏼‍♂️. So there. And, well, it’s the end of the year, and you may want that charitable tax deduction, so here’s your chance. I chose the Ocean Cleanup because no one likes going for a relaxing ocean swim and coming out with an empty bag of Fritos stuck to their back along with the plastic rings from a six pack of Coke wrapped around their toes (true story, thanks for this memory, Bali 😒). #keepouroceansclean #greecewithkids #naxosgreece #naxos_island #greecenaxos #grecia🇬🇷 #greekisles #greekislands🇬🇷
I think this photo basically sums up our family - I think this photo basically sums up our family - loving mother, youngest child face planting on the ground, two perfectly behaved older children, conspicuously absent father. What do you think? Have you been to Italy? Did your spouse also sigh, roll her eyes, and walk away from you every time your iPhone video camera zoomed in on small penises affixed to large statues? Strange, just me? 🤔 In my defense, I was just trying to do as the Romans did. You know, as Julius Caesar once said - “Veni, vidi, vidicky” - I came, I saw, I took videos of statue dicks to post on my Instagram stories. 🤷🏼‍♂️ #italywithkids #italypisa #pisaitaly #pisatower🇮🇹 #italylover #theromans
Next up on our list of Mildly Interesting Location Next up on our list of Mildly Interesting Locations For Families (“MILF Families”), is Aveiro, Portugal 🇵🇹📍 Many people (I’m looking at you Travel & Leisure Magazine 🤨) call Aveiro the “Venice of Portugal,” which is like me calling a White Castle hamburger joint off Highway 18 in East Brunswick the “Alhambra of New Jersey.” In other words, “no, it’s not…stop doing this.” There were nice restrooms in the shopping mall though. And the six hour drive to get here was relaxing except for the tolls, detour, and speeding ticket. So there’s that. I’m mostly fucking around. I actually live for this stuff. 😉 Aveiro gondola ride: 5/10 (my wife says this is too high) Aveiro mall bathrooms: 8/10 (my wife says this is too low) Drive to Aveiro from Southern Spain: 10/10 (I like detours and speeding through tolls, what can I say? 🤷🏼‍♂️) #aveirocity #portugalboatparty #gondolaride #aveirobeauty #portugaltravel #portugallove #wtkr #portugal_places #portugalpassion #portugalvisuals
Family beautiful destination(s) moments (“BDsM”) #2 - Tallinn, Estonia 🇪🇪 📍 Tallinn was a wonderful reminder that the journey is truly the destination. Because, look, Tallinn itself was very nice and all. It has that warm, medieval charm (e.g. real torture devices that kids can try out). But fuck Tallinn. It’s all about GETTING to Tallinn. That’s where it’s at. And, from my experience, as far as I’m aware (though I’ve been wrong once, maybe twice, before), there is ONLY one way in and out of Tallinn. And that way is a slow ferry from Stockholm filled with Finnish truck drivers, Russian prostitutes, cheap vodka, and nothing else (except us and the kids). On the ferry, don’t you dare miss the talent show, it’s as good as you’d expect it to be. All and all, this trip held great lessons for the kids. Lessons like, if you don’t do your schoolwork, you too will somehow turn into a Finnish truck driver or Russian prostitute - or, most likely, both. Lessons like, NO DON’T FUCKING TOUCH THE BEDSPREAD WE DON’T HAVE OUR BLACKLIGHT YOU KNOW WE DON’T USE THE BEDS IN PLACES LIKE THIS YOU NEED A SHOWER NOW HOLY SHIT THE SHOWER IS DISGUSTING JUST POUR VODKA OVER YOUR HANDS TO CLEAN THEM AND SLEEP IN THE RESTAURANT IF YOU’RE TIRED. Lessons like, you’re the one who put your head into that torture device, you get your own damn self out. Lessons like, what do you mean you don’t understand what her talent is, her talent is how she gyrates her hips and maneuvers around the…never mind you’re much too young for this please pretend you never saw any of this we’ll probably need the vodka to clean your eyes out now. Ratings: Tallinn old town - 8/10 Baltic Sea ferry food - 5/10 Baltic Sea ferry entertainment - 10/10 #tallinn_city #estonia🇪🇪 #estoniaferry #balticseastories #visitestonia #tallinngram #tallinnoldtown #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #wtkr #madbadtraveldad
My refusal to create trendy Reels is resulting in My refusal to create trendy Reels is resulting in a slow, painful dying of my Instagram account (#inextremis). But I refuse to stand idle while this happens. So, in an effort to absolutely speed up my death, I’m posting a series of still photos, from around the world, that I’ve never posted before and that no one will/should care about. All of which will be accompanied by long form captions (which, as we all know, is basically just social media Seppuku (Harakiri)). The series will be called Family Beautiful Destination(s) Moments (or, “Family BDsM”, for short. You’ll want to Google this abbreviation, I’m sure. Actually, do it now, I’ll wait for you…Now clear your browser history). There will be 1001 posts in the series, unless I get bored, cancelled, or give in to the trends. Here we go… #1 Fjaðrárgljúfur📍 8/10 ⭐️ It’s really a 10/10, but seeing hundreds (Thousands? Tens of thousands??) of girls named Madison or Sierra climb fences (fences with “Keep Out” signs) in their felt hats, rose gold jewelry, and Navajo ponchos that their boyfriend (with the ironic mustache) retrieved for them from their camper van, brings this down a couple of notches. Have you been? What would you rate it? Is your name Sierra? Also, where do you wanna go next? Greece or Estonia? #icelandroadtrip #icelandicnature #icelandadvice #naturephotography #familytravel #familytravelmoment #beautifuldestinations #beautifultravelmoments #wtkr #europedestinations #europeisbeautiful
Let's admit it, flying sucks now. Gone are the gol Let's admit it, flying sucks now. Gone are the golden days of air travel when you could freely smoke your tobacco-filled pipe while sitting in the pilot's seat (as he slept off his hangover) with the other 14 chaps on the plane standing nearby - Scotches in hand - conversing about their greatest African big game hunts while cruising at 20,000 feet in a metal death trap that had an 8% chance of crashing into a Nepalese mountain. Now you have to travel with kids and women and women and kids (and all their respective baggage) tuning them out while watching your favorite movie (e.g. Out of Africa) with your favorite alcoholic beverage (e.g. Scotch) in hand as you are quickly and safely transported to some previously-difficult-if-not-impossible-to-reach exotic place (insert eye roll). (Sort of) Kidding, of course. NOW, is the golden age of travel. It's amazing where you go with family in tow for a relatively inexpensive price. And it all just keeps getting better and easier. We've now flown Royal Jordanian (@royaljordanian) multiple times and not once have I gotten off the plane swearing I'd never fly them again (unlike the 3817 times I've done that with American Airlines). In fact, Royal Jordanian treats me like the amazing diva I am (it's actually more coddling, than pampering, that I need). Highly recommended. The video, of course, was edited by the amazing @urlifemedia Everyone should be using them for their trips. Why just have all those videos you take collecting dust (is this how electronic data works?)? This is also way better than a photo book (that I don't let the kids touch because they'll bend the pages). I just don't understand how URLIFE takes my mountain of crappy videos and turns them into something that EVEN I (and my ADHD) CAN WATCH for longer than three seconds. Truly magic.
People always (never?) come to me to hear real fac People always (never?) come to me to hear real facts about real places. So here I am giving the people what they want! #lisbonportugal Lisbon (pronounced “Lith-bun” but with a heavier lisp) is a city first discovered and made famous by influencers in 2016. Previously unknown to the outside world, brave “explorers” such as Becky from Michigan were able to decipher the cryptic clues left in a baffling language on numerous street signs to finally find the destination she yearned for ever since she saw that photo of that one girl with a red dress twirling in the middle of a busy street while the natives looked on in disbelief about their fortune of being in the presence of social media royalty. Becky writes in her travel journal, I mean…err…Twitter, “It’s like San Francisco except they, like, paint the ground and stuff. Omg I got so many likes there too.” Becky continues, “I was scared at first, but later got up to nerve to, like, approach local people to learn more about whether they could take a good picture of me or not.” Thanks to the bravery of Becky, and many others, locals (i.e. Lithbunners) are now able to support themselves with the knowledge that their city routinely makes the explore page on Instagram. An important travel advisory about going here though. As Jessica from Florida writes, “Be careful, very careful. Because Lithbunners will want to talk your ear off about their culture or something like that. Just make sure they keep bringing you pretty food on pretty plates from pretty buildings and you’ll be fine.” Let me know in the comments if you want more history, city guides, etc. And feel free to make fun of me for being a petty “influencer” too 😉😄🙃 #lisboalive #lisboacool #lisbonlife #lisbonstreets #lisboasecreta #holidayswithkids #familytravel
Back to Spain!! 🇪🇸 💃🏼🐂🐖#spainpar Back to Spain!! 🇪🇸 💃🏼🐂🐖#spainparttwo (swipe for us two years ago 👶🏻) So, when we left Spain to return to the US this summer, there was, I’d say, only about a 38.2534% chance we’d return. But we decided we had some unfinished business, such as: •Figuring out what a bidet is (other than an occasional drinking fountain and the place where the kids inevitability knock over my wife’s toothbrushes (don’t worry, I always put them back before she finds out)). • The adults learning Spanish 🤦🏼‍♂️ This is embarrassing, I’ll admit. On a positive note, I JUST learned the Spanish words for “no”, “taxi”, “hotel”, and “hospital” this week. 😃 They are “no”, “taxi”, “hotel”, and “hospital”. 😒 • Learning to live longer! Spain is set to overtake Japan as the country with the longest life expectancy. From what I can tell, we just need to drink more alcohol (not sure this is possible), smoke a pack of cigarettes a day (I think I already get this with secondhand smoke), and eat as much red meat in a sitting as a utterly famished lion cub. • Learning not to helicopter parent. I think this is impossible now in the US. In California, I once left two kids in the car on a cool day to quickly grab the other one from swimming. When I came back out three minutes later, four people had encircled my car ready to call the cops/CPS. In Spain, my kids get the freedom my generation had growing up. It’s really necessary I think. And, by necessary, I mean it’s really necessary that they go play the fuck at a park across a busy street (or whatever, who cares) while the adults sit at a bar in an adjacent park and actually try to fucking enjoy themselves, necessary. Don’t get mad at me, I always go collect them the next day. • Teaching my kids personal accountability. Like, if you slip on a store floor negligently left wet, you don’t just sue. If some kid in your class purposely blinds you with their pencil, you just learn to live with one eye. If an entire terrace in desperate need of repair collapses and crushes your skull, it just wasn’t your day. On second thought, yikes Spain 😨 Anyhow, we’re back! See you guys later. Or, as the locals say, hasta later ya’ll! 🇪🇸🤙🏻
About a month ago, on my last IG post, I wrote - “I vow to start posting fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a daily basis.” I can see now that was a lie. Thus, today, I vow to never make vows again. So, we just finished what had to be our longest summer thus far. Three months across six countries and eight US states. My wife said she’d kill me if I planned anything like this again. So, in the comments, please give me the ideal, insane itinerary for next summer, as I plan to go out on a high note. 😃 Things I’ve learned this summer: • The US makes kid glasses that don’t shatter into your eyes when they break. I feel like this is slightly better than the Spanish equivalent, which I dub “The Pirate Maker.” • One should avoid traveling with kids. • I do not miss the USA. Ok, I miss the food, that brings me to… • There is no limit to the number of burritos I can consume in a summer. I ate exactly 3,657. But I could have eaten ♾. How is there no good Mexican food in Europe? Do good burritos just not cross the Atlantic? Why are all the top scientists not trying to answer this question? Are they busy or something? I demand answers. • You won’t get brain damage (or convulse) with a 106 degree Fahrenheit (41.1 Celsius) fever (but you’ll come damn close). Props for my wife for getting what the paramedic called, “the highest temperature reading he’s ever taken.” Double props to the doctor who called three days later and admitted the hospital shouldn’t have released her right away. • The volcanic, gas-heated water in Yellowstone National Park (pictured) is not for drinking. Granted, I learned this 30 years ago when my stepmom couldn’t resist herself, but it was a good lesson to remember. They aren’t ideal jacuzzis either. • One should avoid traveling with kids. • I will never stop worrying about my children. The day before we do anything “big” (like, a gentle hike), I have these lucid dreams where I’m saving them from certain death. Anyone else constantly get these? Finally, I vow to start posting fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a DAILY basis. This is my unbreakable promise. I guarantee it’ll happen. 100% 🙄
Over two weeks ago, I made the solemn promise to f Over two weeks ago, I made the solemn promise to forgo all MY work and parental responsibilities just to bring YOU fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a daily basis. But that was a bullshit vow and you shouldn’t believe anything I say. Instead, today (again, over two weeks since my last post), you get a series of uninspired, semi-masked photos from maybe 10 months ago at a castle or something (Google the phrase “What is Wikipedia and how can I use it to learn about random, UNESCO World Heritage buildings in Portugal” to learn more). Oh, and, today I encourage you to reach your goals or whatever. Or, better yet, just be content with easily-attained mediocrity like I have. #livingyoursortofoklife #dreammedium #thedailymeh On a serious note, I vow to start posting fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a daily basis. You might want to turn your notifications on. 😃🤞🏻🙄 In the comments tell me something (anything) you’re really interested in and I promise to cut and paste the Wikipedia entry as my reply (you can actually believe this promise, I promise). Try it. #belemtower #lisboalive #lisboa🇵🇹 #lisbonportugal #lisbontravel #torrebelem #belémtower #lisbonne🇵🇹 #lisboa❤️ #unescosite #unescoheritagesite #lisboncity
I’ve seen other families get together and rank t I’ve seen other families get together and rank their favorite countries visited with a fun, little scoring system. I thought I’d do the same. Thus, I asked my kids to rank the countries they’d been to. It did not go as well as I hoped. Here are snippets of our conversation: Me: What about Iceland? You remember Iceland? Youngest boy: I remember the penguins. Me: There are no penguins. Oldest boy: Oh yeah, Estonia! I remember! I love penguins. Me: Ok, forget Iceland, what about France? Girl: That’s where mom said even if you guys bought us birthday presents we wouldn’t get them. Me: What?! No. Not true at all. Oldest boy: I remember that, but I don’t remember France at all. Me: You don’t remember you fell on your face twice, in the same place, there was a hole in your head and we were in the emergency room both times? Oldest boy: No. What’s a mergencee room? Me: That’s where that giant scar on your forehead comes from. Oldest boy: What scar? Youngest boy: I want to see the penguins in Estonia. Me: I give up. Girl: Are we getting birthday presents this year? Anyway, every kid remembers the monasteries we saw in Greece. Sorry, correction…every kid remembers the water slides we went on in Greece. But I remember the monasteries, and they were absolutely magical. Truly, one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. And I’ll never forget all the penguins we saw when we were there. 🐧😍 #greecewithkids #holidayswithkids #wtkr #greecetravel #meteoragreece #greeceinstagram #grecia🇬🇷 #grècia
English 🇺🇸 above👆🏻, word-for-word Span English 🇺🇸 above👆🏻, word-for-word Spanish 🇪🇸 translation below👇🏻 “Home is inside you.” - Confucius —————————————————— ¡Hola a todos! Creo que nos hemos deshecho de esas personas patéticas que solo hablan inglés gracias a la estúpida cita anterior. Les encantan esas cosas y nunca sabrán que estamos hablando de ellos. 🤫 ¡Ok, tiempo de broma! ¿Cómo se llama a alguien que habla tres idiomas? Trilingüe. ¿Cómo se llama a alguien que habla dos idiomas? Bilingüe. ¿Cómo llamas a alguien que habla un idioma? ¡¡Americano!! jajajajajaja 😂😂 Ok, ¡dejemos a esos tontos en paz! Oh, y espero que ese pequeño botón de "traducción" no aparezca 😅😬
On our current trip, we’ve somehow lost my daugh On our current trip, we’ve somehow lost my daughter’s camera (@fujifilmx_us pictured), most of our kids’ school supplies, one sock out of every pair of socks I brought for myself (how does this always happen?), all three metal water bottles for the kids (all three! THREE!), my flip flops, my old iPhone, my mind, and one child (safely recovered at a later date). Where does this all go (most likely to the cleaning crew, yes, I’m aware 😕)? Seriously, has anyone gotten things back? I wanna hear success stories. I have personally never recovered ANYTHING left on an airplane or in a hotel/Airbnb. Why? How? I once walked off a plane and down the hallway to the gate when I realized I left my @carrera sunglasses on the plane, but in those three to five minutes my sunglasses (left hidden in the pocket on the back of the seat in front of me) had totally vanished into the ether. Poof. Another time, in the mid-90s, I left half of my Swingers-inspired clothes (think bad khakis and bowling shirts) in the closet of a Las Vegas hotel, never to be seen again. (Though, looking back, I think @excaliburvegas did me a favor. I’m guessing they humanely burned everything. 🤔) Anyhow, this is simply my ridiculous plea for @airbnb @americanair @united @tripadvisor @bookingcom @hotelsdotcom and everyone else to finally just give me back the stuff they “borrowed.” 🤨⏱ #timesup Except the, uhhhh…swing dance stuff, for obvious reasons. 😃😅 #holidayshenanigans #athens_city #greeceshotz #greecelove #grècia #grecian #greeceinstagram #greecetravelgr
Last year on this day, I was yelling “‘Merica Last year on this day, I was yelling “‘Merica bitches” from my terrace to surprised Spaniards in lockdown while wearing my USA Stars and Stripes face mask as a banana hammock bathing suit, shooting off my invisible semi-automatic guns in the air, lighting anything with a fuse on fire (mostly @yankeecandle scented candles), and about to blackout on imported @whiteclaw hard seltzer. But this year I plan on reaaaaalllly partying!! 😵 I may bash the USA a lot, but I do really love it. Happy 4th of July ya’ll. 🇺🇸 Bang bang.💥 Btw, props to my wife who let me take a four-hour detour to @archesnps on an already-11-hour drive day. The only price I had to pay was awkward silence only broken by my occasional apologies the last seven hours in the car. #totallyworthit 😃 People in Europe (Europeans? 🤔🤷🏼‍♂️), how do you plan to celebrate the 4th of July? I know how super important this day is to you…. (Edit: I just realized you are all probably asleep right now, which is so lame and unpatriotic 😕👎🏻) #nationalparkswithkids #holidayswithkids #familytravel #familytrip #familytraveller #archesnationalpark #nps #parksproject #usanumber1 #happy4thofjuly🇺🇸 #happy4thofjuly🇺🇸🎉 #america
We finally returned to Rum! #wadirum Last time w We finally returned to Rum! #wadirum Last time we were in Wadi Rum was 13 years ago and it was just my wife and me (slide for those old photos). We arrived with no place to stay, but quickly met someone outside the visitor’s center who took us to his friend’s brother’s cousin’s house (that first guy later got fined for not having us pay through the visitor’s center). There, we had some tea and sat slightly uncomfortably in a living room for over an hour not knowing what was going on. But soon we were hopping onboard a stranger’s pickup truck and being whisked across the desert, tracing the footsteps of T.E. Lawrence #lawrenceofarabia After a day of spectacular sightseeing and dangerous rock climbing, we ended up at our camp, where our two Bedouin guides proceeded to get hammered on hashish, Red Bulls and vodka, and beer. After one of them sang the most passionate love song to his mother, they both just got up and left us alone in the desert (well, two other tourists were with us - a couple from Malaysia). Too hot to sleep inside the tent, we slept under a sea of stars. In the morning, we spent much time trying to wake the Bedouins (they obviously returned at some point) to no avail. Our Malaysian friends therefore missed their bus. Laughs were shared by all (Bedouins). In other words, it was an amazing time…full of adventure. This time we returned to a very commercialized experience. Maybe the lack of hashish and abandonment was better for the kids, but we sure thought it was better in Rum the first time around. 🤷🏼‍♂️ You ever return to a place and have it lose its magic? Anyhow, I’ll leave you with a couple of quotable quotes from Bedouins we met 13 years ago (feel free to use these in daily discourse): “You see, a woman could be hugging you and still could figure out a way to make love to another man.” (This guy also said a woman could figure out how to cheat on a man, even if kept on a leash) Clenched teeth rating=😬😬😬 “I'd be a very bad wife. I'd make love to every man in town. Then, you'd have to kill me.” Clenched teeth rating=😬😬😬😬😬 #familytravels #MYJORDANJOURNEY #JORDAN #MYJORDAN #wanderlist #wtkr #bedouincamp #bedouinlife
Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A man so blessed in looks, so gifted in intelligence, so blissfully unaware of his own perfection, so virile it makes statues of Greek gods appear namby-pamby, so…ugh…it hurts my head just thinking about all the superlatives that apply. I am forever grateful you blessed me with your body, your soul, your musk. How can I even repay you? Hey, @socal_to_sevilla I drafted the above 👆🏻 caption for you to use today in an Instagram post devoted to me. Please don’t edit and post without my prior approval. Thank you for your continued cooperation. #fathersday #petrajordan #myjordanjourney #jordancountry #unesco #holidayswithkids #wanderfam #wanderlusting #madbadtraveldad
Number seven on my list of things to do today is t Number seven on my list of things to do today is to create a new bucket list, since I think I just finished my old one. ✅😅 Number 1,496 on my list today is to stop being so pretentious and annoying (like above). Admittedly, I might not ever get to this one. 🤔😃 Anyhow, I’m super grateful to get back to Petra after a 13-year hiatus (slide to see our first visit). Though much of the area has grown and therefore changed, it was comforting to see my wife still get hit on by pre-teen Bedouins all day. So, thankfully, not too much has changed. 😃 Much thanks for @royaljordanian for making this happen. #favoriteairline 👑 #myjordanjourney #myjordan #petrajordan #royaljordanian #unescoheritage #unescosite #nabatean #worldwonder #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #familytravel
I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone woul I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone would pay me just to hang out with my kids all day. Because then I could use that money to hire a babysitter so I could finally get some time alone. Anyhow, it’s official. The kids found their favorite hotel in the world @westincostanavarino @costanavarino @marriottbonvoy Honestly, I didn’t go here for the kids. I’m a huge fan of those Richard Linklater movies - Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight. And Before Midnight took place in this whole region, including scenes at the hotel. I had it all planned out - my wife and I would act out whole scenes from the movie in the exact locations they took place. But once we found out the hotel had beer and waterslides, well…my plan obviously went to shit. 🤷🏼‍♂️ What are some of your favorite hotels in the world? I’m looking for more magic like we found here. Girl child’s outfit by @pavonada_com Man child’s outfit by the final sale, no-returns-allowed rack at H&M #greecewithkids #greecelover_gr #greece_travel #grécia #grècia #grecia🇬🇷 #costanavarinomoments #costanavarinoresort #marriottbonvoy
I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation w I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation while we’re on vacation. Simply because I’m afraid of you burgling our home while we’re away (yes, I’m talking about you). But we’re technically, fully nomadic at the moment. All of our material possessions are spread across nine cities in three countries. In other words, we’re such a mess that you’ll really struggle to steal it all from us. And, actually, you’d be doing us a favor if you did. So, I’m posting away! 😉 #stealaway Not since my wife and I traveled around the world for 14 months has everything been so much of a daily adventure - full of difficulties and surprises. Only, this time it’s with three kids, two demanding jobs, and 12 extra pieces of luggage. And it has been a little weird. Hell, we just spent three nights in Cyprus (where we weren’t planning on going) just frantically working from a decent hotel in a sea of abandoned whorehouses (where my wife didn’t even leave the hotel and I only did so that I could show my kids what would happen to their lives if they weren’t diligent in their schoolwork). #lifelessons Not since we flew from Johannesburg to Mauritius only to return nine hours later (we had to keep the flight or else the rest of our RTW plane tickets would have been voided) have we made such strange, seemingly pointless travel. But we needed to go to Cyprus to get to Jordan, where we are now…waiting on my birthday for a driver that may or may not come after three other options fell through. It’s a bit surreal, but so much takes me back to our trip 13 years ago where life was coming at us so fast. 🌬 😅 Anyhow, this picture (and swipe for video) is from a crazy cool castle on the water at the edge of what is quite possibly one of the prettiest places in the world we’ve seen - Messenia, Greece. Life is good. #holidayswithkids #travelfam #messenia #greecewithkids #wanderfam
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About Me?

About Me?

I am a father, husband, world traveler, and unsolicited masseur. My wife thought that last description was creepy and untrue until she received an unexpected massage. After that, she just thought it was creepy. I love non sequiturs. Cake and children are equally delicious. When not around children who are screaming and crying, I like to read books. I have not read a book in eight years.

  • Flying High with Royal Jordanian

  • 1001 BTMs – #1 Walking Down the al-Sīq to the Treasury in Petra

  • 1001 Beautiful Travel Moments

  • One of the Best Countries to Take Kids – Vietnam

  • My Favorite Instagram Captions – Country Fact Edition (The Last One Will Blow Your Mind)

  • How to Disappear Completely (Yet Let Everyone Know You’re Living Your Best Life in Spain)

  • Rho Takes a Break

  • Our Gap Year Part II: Fiji

  • Our Gap Year Or: How I Learned To Love Sleeping In Hostel Twin Beds And Taking Cold Showers

  • How to Get the Fuck off the Hamster Wheel and Live Again: A Guide to Dropping out of Society and Forging your Own Path

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wherethekidsroam
On Christmas, it’s easy to forget that life is t On Christmas, it’s easy to forget that life is the greatest gift of all. And since I already gave life to three (arguably four) of the people in this picture, I’m saddened and dismayed by the surprise, disappointment, and utter revulsion in their faces every single damn year they find me alone and naked (save for a strategically-placed bow) under the otherwise empty Christmas tree saying things like, “You’re welcome for your life, bitches” and “I’m the real gift that doesn’t need to keep on giving.” It’s almost like they’re not thankful, or something. 😕 Umm, anyhow…Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄🤶🏼🎅🏿 #christmasmagic #familytravel #holidayswithkids #familychristmas #familychristmasphoto #familychristmaspictures #goodbye2021
If you take three shots of tequila, spin around un If you take three shots of tequila, spin around until you’re dizzy, and then frantically blink while trying to focus on all five of us at once in this static photo, it will look just like those Instagram Reels that are so popular right now. Try it. It should be fun (send me videos of your failed attempts please). 🙋🏼‍♂️🤢 So…Greece. What can I say? Well, I treat countries we visit (and love) the same way high school boys say mean things to girls they actually like. So, Greece, you ugly slut, I wouldn’t date you in a million years even if someone paid me but…umm, like, umm, would you go to the prom with me…if I can’t find anyone better? 😘 #greecelover Finally, I’ve never created a fundraiser before, but Instagram gives me the option to, apparently 🤷🏼‍♂️. So there. And, well, it’s the end of the year, and you may want that charitable tax deduction, so here’s your chance. I chose the Ocean Cleanup because no one likes going for a relaxing ocean swim and coming out with an empty bag of Fritos stuck to their back along with the plastic rings from a six pack of Coke wrapped around their toes (true story, thanks for this memory, Bali 😒). #keepouroceansclean #greecewithkids #naxosgreece #naxos_island #greecenaxos #grecia🇬🇷 #greekisles #greekislands🇬🇷
I think this photo basically sums up our family - I think this photo basically sums up our family - loving mother, youngest child face planting on the ground, two perfectly behaved older children, conspicuously absent father. What do you think? Have you been to Italy? Did your spouse also sigh, roll her eyes, and walk away from you every time your iPhone video camera zoomed in on small penises affixed to large statues? Strange, just me? 🤔 In my defense, I was just trying to do as the Romans did. You know, as Julius Caesar once said - “Veni, vidi, vidicky” - I came, I saw, I took videos of statue dicks to post on my Instagram stories. 🤷🏼‍♂️ #italywithkids #italypisa #pisaitaly #pisatower🇮🇹 #italylover #theromans
Next up on our list of Mildly Interesting Location Next up on our list of Mildly Interesting Locations For Families (“MILF Families”), is Aveiro, Portugal 🇵🇹📍 Many people (I’m looking at you Travel & Leisure Magazine 🤨) call Aveiro the “Venice of Portugal,” which is like me calling a White Castle hamburger joint off Highway 18 in East Brunswick the “Alhambra of New Jersey.” In other words, “no, it’s not…stop doing this.” There were nice restrooms in the shopping mall though. And the six hour drive to get here was relaxing except for the tolls, detour, and speeding ticket. So there’s that. I’m mostly fucking around. I actually live for this stuff. 😉 Aveiro gondola ride: 5/10 (my wife says this is too high) Aveiro mall bathrooms: 8/10 (my wife says this is too low) Drive to Aveiro from Southern Spain: 10/10 (I like detours and speeding through tolls, what can I say? 🤷🏼‍♂️) #aveirocity #portugalboatparty #gondolaride #aveirobeauty #portugaltravel #portugallove #wtkr #portugal_places #portugalpassion #portugalvisuals
Family beautiful destination(s) moments (“BDsM”) #2 - Tallinn, Estonia 🇪🇪 📍 Tallinn was a wonderful reminder that the journey is truly the destination. Because, look, Tallinn itself was very nice and all. It has that warm, medieval charm (e.g. real torture devices that kids can try out). But fuck Tallinn. It’s all about GETTING to Tallinn. That’s where it’s at. And, from my experience, as far as I’m aware (though I’ve been wrong once, maybe twice, before), there is ONLY one way in and out of Tallinn. And that way is a slow ferry from Stockholm filled with Finnish truck drivers, Russian prostitutes, cheap vodka, and nothing else (except us and the kids). On the ferry, don’t you dare miss the talent show, it’s as good as you’d expect it to be. All and all, this trip held great lessons for the kids. Lessons like, if you don’t do your schoolwork, you too will somehow turn into a Finnish truck driver or Russian prostitute - or, most likely, both. Lessons like, NO DON’T FUCKING TOUCH THE BEDSPREAD WE DON’T HAVE OUR BLACKLIGHT YOU KNOW WE DON’T USE THE BEDS IN PLACES LIKE THIS YOU NEED A SHOWER NOW HOLY SHIT THE SHOWER IS DISGUSTING JUST POUR VODKA OVER YOUR HANDS TO CLEAN THEM AND SLEEP IN THE RESTAURANT IF YOU’RE TIRED. Lessons like, you’re the one who put your head into that torture device, you get your own damn self out. Lessons like, what do you mean you don’t understand what her talent is, her talent is how she gyrates her hips and maneuvers around the…never mind you’re much too young for this please pretend you never saw any of this we’ll probably need the vodka to clean your eyes out now. Ratings: Tallinn old town - 8/10 Baltic Sea ferry food - 5/10 Baltic Sea ferry entertainment - 10/10 #tallinn_city #estonia🇪🇪 #estoniaferry #balticseastories #visitestonia #tallinngram #tallinnoldtown #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #wtkr #madbadtraveldad
My refusal to create trendy Reels is resulting in My refusal to create trendy Reels is resulting in a slow, painful dying of my Instagram account (#inextremis). But I refuse to stand idle while this happens. So, in an effort to absolutely speed up my death, I’m posting a series of still photos, from around the world, that I’ve never posted before and that no one will/should care about. All of which will be accompanied by long form captions (which, as we all know, is basically just social media Seppuku (Harakiri)). The series will be called Family Beautiful Destination(s) Moments (or, “Family BDsM”, for short. You’ll want to Google this abbreviation, I’m sure. Actually, do it now, I’ll wait for you…Now clear your browser history). There will be 1001 posts in the series, unless I get bored, cancelled, or give in to the trends. Here we go… #1 Fjaðrárgljúfur📍 8/10 ⭐️ It’s really a 10/10, but seeing hundreds (Thousands? Tens of thousands??) of girls named Madison or Sierra climb fences (fences with “Keep Out” signs) in their felt hats, rose gold jewelry, and Navajo ponchos that their boyfriend (with the ironic mustache) retrieved for them from their camper van, brings this down a couple of notches. Have you been? What would you rate it? Is your name Sierra? Also, where do you wanna go next? Greece or Estonia? #icelandroadtrip #icelandicnature #icelandadvice #naturephotography #familytravel #familytravelmoment #beautifuldestinations #beautifultravelmoments #wtkr #europedestinations #europeisbeautiful
Let's admit it, flying sucks now. Gone are the gol Let's admit it, flying sucks now. Gone are the golden days of air travel when you could freely smoke your tobacco-filled pipe while sitting in the pilot's seat (as he slept off his hangover) with the other 14 chaps on the plane standing nearby - Scotches in hand - conversing about their greatest African big game hunts while cruising at 20,000 feet in a metal death trap that had an 8% chance of crashing into a Nepalese mountain. Now you have to travel with kids and women and women and kids (and all their respective baggage) tuning them out while watching your favorite movie (e.g. Out of Africa) with your favorite alcoholic beverage (e.g. Scotch) in hand as you are quickly and safely transported to some previously-difficult-if-not-impossible-to-reach exotic place (insert eye roll). (Sort of) Kidding, of course. NOW, is the golden age of travel. It's amazing where you go with family in tow for a relatively inexpensive price. And it all just keeps getting better and easier. We've now flown Royal Jordanian (@royaljordanian) multiple times and not once have I gotten off the plane swearing I'd never fly them again (unlike the 3817 times I've done that with American Airlines). In fact, Royal Jordanian treats me like the amazing diva I am (it's actually more coddling, than pampering, that I need). Highly recommended. The video, of course, was edited by the amazing @urlifemedia Everyone should be using them for their trips. Why just have all those videos you take collecting dust (is this how electronic data works?)? This is also way better than a photo book (that I don't let the kids touch because they'll bend the pages). I just don't understand how URLIFE takes my mountain of crappy videos and turns them into something that EVEN I (and my ADHD) CAN WATCH for longer than three seconds. Truly magic.
People always (never?) come to me to hear real fac People always (never?) come to me to hear real facts about real places. So here I am giving the people what they want! #lisbonportugal Lisbon (pronounced “Lith-bun” but with a heavier lisp) is a city first discovered and made famous by influencers in 2016. Previously unknown to the outside world, brave “explorers” such as Becky from Michigan were able to decipher the cryptic clues left in a baffling language on numerous street signs to finally find the destination she yearned for ever since she saw that photo of that one girl with a red dress twirling in the middle of a busy street while the natives looked on in disbelief about their fortune of being in the presence of social media royalty. Becky writes in her travel journal, I mean…err…Twitter, “It’s like San Francisco except they, like, paint the ground and stuff. Omg I got so many likes there too.” Becky continues, “I was scared at first, but later got up to nerve to, like, approach local people to learn more about whether they could take a good picture of me or not.” Thanks to the bravery of Becky, and many others, locals (i.e. Lithbunners) are now able to support themselves with the knowledge that their city routinely makes the explore page on Instagram. An important travel advisory about going here though. As Jessica from Florida writes, “Be careful, very careful. Because Lithbunners will want to talk your ear off about their culture or something like that. Just make sure they keep bringing you pretty food on pretty plates from pretty buildings and you’ll be fine.” Let me know in the comments if you want more history, city guides, etc. And feel free to make fun of me for being a petty “influencer” too 😉😄🙃 #lisboalive #lisboacool #lisbonlife #lisbonstreets #lisboasecreta #holidayswithkids #familytravel
Back to Spain!! 🇪🇸 💃🏼🐂🐖#spainpar Back to Spain!! 🇪🇸 💃🏼🐂🐖#spainparttwo (swipe for us two years ago 👶🏻) So, when we left Spain to return to the US this summer, there was, I’d say, only about a 38.2534% chance we’d return. But we decided we had some unfinished business, such as: •Figuring out what a bidet is (other than an occasional drinking fountain and the place where the kids inevitability knock over my wife’s toothbrushes (don’t worry, I always put them back before she finds out)). • The adults learning Spanish 🤦🏼‍♂️ This is embarrassing, I’ll admit. On a positive note, I JUST learned the Spanish words for “no”, “taxi”, “hotel”, and “hospital” this week. 😃 They are “no”, “taxi”, “hotel”, and “hospital”. 😒 • Learning to live longer! Spain is set to overtake Japan as the country with the longest life expectancy. From what I can tell, we just need to drink more alcohol (not sure this is possible), smoke a pack of cigarettes a day (I think I already get this with secondhand smoke), and eat as much red meat in a sitting as a utterly famished lion cub. • Learning not to helicopter parent. I think this is impossible now in the US. In California, I once left two kids in the car on a cool day to quickly grab the other one from swimming. When I came back out three minutes later, four people had encircled my car ready to call the cops/CPS. In Spain, my kids get the freedom my generation had growing up. It’s really necessary I think. And, by necessary, I mean it’s really necessary that they go play the fuck at a park across a busy street (or whatever, who cares) while the adults sit at a bar in an adjacent park and actually try to fucking enjoy themselves, necessary. Don’t get mad at me, I always go collect them the next day. • Teaching my kids personal accountability. Like, if you slip on a store floor negligently left wet, you don’t just sue. If some kid in your class purposely blinds you with their pencil, you just learn to live with one eye. If an entire terrace in desperate need of repair collapses and crushes your skull, it just wasn’t your day. On second thought, yikes Spain 😨 Anyhow, we’re back! See you guys later. Or, as the locals say, hasta later ya’ll! 🇪🇸🤙🏻
About a month ago, on my last IG post, I wrote - “I vow to start posting fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a daily basis.” I can see now that was a lie. Thus, today, I vow to never make vows again. So, we just finished what had to be our longest summer thus far. Three months across six countries and eight US states. My wife said she’d kill me if I planned anything like this again. So, in the comments, please give me the ideal, insane itinerary for next summer, as I plan to go out on a high note. 😃 Things I’ve learned this summer: • The US makes kid glasses that don’t shatter into your eyes when they break. I feel like this is slightly better than the Spanish equivalent, which I dub “The Pirate Maker.” • One should avoid traveling with kids. • I do not miss the USA. Ok, I miss the food, that brings me to… • There is no limit to the number of burritos I can consume in a summer. I ate exactly 3,657. But I could have eaten ♾. How is there no good Mexican food in Europe? Do good burritos just not cross the Atlantic? Why are all the top scientists not trying to answer this question? Are they busy or something? I demand answers. • You won’t get brain damage (or convulse) with a 106 degree Fahrenheit (41.1 Celsius) fever (but you’ll come damn close). Props for my wife for getting what the paramedic called, “the highest temperature reading he’s ever taken.” Double props to the doctor who called three days later and admitted the hospital shouldn’t have released her right away. • The volcanic, gas-heated water in Yellowstone National Park (pictured) is not for drinking. Granted, I learned this 30 years ago when my stepmom couldn’t resist herself, but it was a good lesson to remember. They aren’t ideal jacuzzis either. • One should avoid traveling with kids. • I will never stop worrying about my children. The day before we do anything “big” (like, a gentle hike), I have these lucid dreams where I’m saving them from certain death. Anyone else constantly get these? Finally, I vow to start posting fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a DAILY basis. This is my unbreakable promise. I guarantee it’ll happen. 100% 🙄
Over two weeks ago, I made the solemn promise to f Over two weeks ago, I made the solemn promise to forgo all MY work and parental responsibilities just to bring YOU fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a daily basis. But that was a bullshit vow and you shouldn’t believe anything I say. Instead, today (again, over two weeks since my last post), you get a series of uninspired, semi-masked photos from maybe 10 months ago at a castle or something (Google the phrase “What is Wikipedia and how can I use it to learn about random, UNESCO World Heritage buildings in Portugal” to learn more). Oh, and, today I encourage you to reach your goals or whatever. Or, better yet, just be content with easily-attained mediocrity like I have. #livingyoursortofoklife #dreammedium #thedailymeh On a serious note, I vow to start posting fresh, informative, and inspirational Instagram content on a daily basis. You might want to turn your notifications on. 😃🤞🏻🙄 In the comments tell me something (anything) you’re really interested in and I promise to cut and paste the Wikipedia entry as my reply (you can actually believe this promise, I promise). Try it. #belemtower #lisboalive #lisboa🇵🇹 #lisbonportugal #lisbontravel #torrebelem #belémtower #lisbonne🇵🇹 #lisboa❤️ #unescosite #unescoheritagesite #lisboncity
I’ve seen other families get together and rank t I’ve seen other families get together and rank their favorite countries visited with a fun, little scoring system. I thought I’d do the same. Thus, I asked my kids to rank the countries they’d been to. It did not go as well as I hoped. Here are snippets of our conversation: Me: What about Iceland? You remember Iceland? Youngest boy: I remember the penguins. Me: There are no penguins. Oldest boy: Oh yeah, Estonia! I remember! I love penguins. Me: Ok, forget Iceland, what about France? Girl: That’s where mom said even if you guys bought us birthday presents we wouldn’t get them. Me: What?! No. Not true at all. Oldest boy: I remember that, but I don’t remember France at all. Me: You don’t remember you fell on your face twice, in the same place, there was a hole in your head and we were in the emergency room both times? Oldest boy: No. What’s a mergencee room? Me: That’s where that giant scar on your forehead comes from. Oldest boy: What scar? Youngest boy: I want to see the penguins in Estonia. Me: I give up. Girl: Are we getting birthday presents this year? Anyway, every kid remembers the monasteries we saw in Greece. Sorry, correction…every kid remembers the water slides we went on in Greece. But I remember the monasteries, and they were absolutely magical. Truly, one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. And I’ll never forget all the penguins we saw when we were there. 🐧😍 #greecewithkids #holidayswithkids #wtkr #greecetravel #meteoragreece #greeceinstagram #grecia🇬🇷 #grècia
English 🇺🇸 above👆🏻, word-for-word Span English 🇺🇸 above👆🏻, word-for-word Spanish 🇪🇸 translation below👇🏻 “Home is inside you.” - Confucius —————————————————— ¡Hola a todos! Creo que nos hemos deshecho de esas personas patéticas que solo hablan inglés gracias a la estúpida cita anterior. Les encantan esas cosas y nunca sabrán que estamos hablando de ellos. 🤫 ¡Ok, tiempo de broma! ¿Cómo se llama a alguien que habla tres idiomas? Trilingüe. ¿Cómo se llama a alguien que habla dos idiomas? Bilingüe. ¿Cómo llamas a alguien que habla un idioma? ¡¡Americano!! jajajajajaja 😂😂 Ok, ¡dejemos a esos tontos en paz! Oh, y espero que ese pequeño botón de "traducción" no aparezca 😅😬
On our current trip, we’ve somehow lost my daugh On our current trip, we’ve somehow lost my daughter’s camera (@fujifilmx_us pictured), most of our kids’ school supplies, one sock out of every pair of socks I brought for myself (how does this always happen?), all three metal water bottles for the kids (all three! THREE!), my flip flops, my old iPhone, my mind, and one child (safely recovered at a later date). Where does this all go (most likely to the cleaning crew, yes, I’m aware 😕)? Seriously, has anyone gotten things back? I wanna hear success stories. I have personally never recovered ANYTHING left on an airplane or in a hotel/Airbnb. Why? How? I once walked off a plane and down the hallway to the gate when I realized I left my @carrera sunglasses on the plane, but in those three to five minutes my sunglasses (left hidden in the pocket on the back of the seat in front of me) had totally vanished into the ether. Poof. Another time, in the mid-90s, I left half of my Swingers-inspired clothes (think bad khakis and bowling shirts) in the closet of a Las Vegas hotel, never to be seen again. (Though, looking back, I think @excaliburvegas did me a favor. I’m guessing they humanely burned everything. 🤔) Anyhow, this is simply my ridiculous plea for @airbnb @americanair @united @tripadvisor @bookingcom @hotelsdotcom and everyone else to finally just give me back the stuff they “borrowed.” 🤨⏱ #timesup Except the, uhhhh…swing dance stuff, for obvious reasons. 😃😅 #holidayshenanigans #athens_city #greeceshotz #greecelove #grècia #grecian #greeceinstagram #greecetravelgr
Last year on this day, I was yelling “‘Merica Last year on this day, I was yelling “‘Merica bitches” from my terrace to surprised Spaniards in lockdown while wearing my USA Stars and Stripes face mask as a banana hammock bathing suit, shooting off my invisible semi-automatic guns in the air, lighting anything with a fuse on fire (mostly @yankeecandle scented candles), and about to blackout on imported @whiteclaw hard seltzer. But this year I plan on reaaaaalllly partying!! 😵 I may bash the USA a lot, but I do really love it. Happy 4th of July ya’ll. 🇺🇸 Bang bang.💥 Btw, props to my wife who let me take a four-hour detour to @archesnps on an already-11-hour drive day. The only price I had to pay was awkward silence only broken by my occasional apologies the last seven hours in the car. #totallyworthit 😃 People in Europe (Europeans? 🤔🤷🏼‍♂️), how do you plan to celebrate the 4th of July? I know how super important this day is to you…. (Edit: I just realized you are all probably asleep right now, which is so lame and unpatriotic 😕👎🏻) #nationalparkswithkids #holidayswithkids #familytravel #familytrip #familytraveller #archesnationalpark #nps #parksproject #usanumber1 #happy4thofjuly🇺🇸 #happy4thofjuly🇺🇸🎉 #america
We finally returned to Rum! #wadirum Last time w We finally returned to Rum! #wadirum Last time we were in Wadi Rum was 13 years ago and it was just my wife and me (slide for those old photos). We arrived with no place to stay, but quickly met someone outside the visitor’s center who took us to his friend’s brother’s cousin’s house (that first guy later got fined for not having us pay through the visitor’s center). There, we had some tea and sat slightly uncomfortably in a living room for over an hour not knowing what was going on. But soon we were hopping onboard a stranger’s pickup truck and being whisked across the desert, tracing the footsteps of T.E. Lawrence #lawrenceofarabia After a day of spectacular sightseeing and dangerous rock climbing, we ended up at our camp, where our two Bedouin guides proceeded to get hammered on hashish, Red Bulls and vodka, and beer. After one of them sang the most passionate love song to his mother, they both just got up and left us alone in the desert (well, two other tourists were with us - a couple from Malaysia). Too hot to sleep inside the tent, we slept under a sea of stars. In the morning, we spent much time trying to wake the Bedouins (they obviously returned at some point) to no avail. Our Malaysian friends therefore missed their bus. Laughs were shared by all (Bedouins). In other words, it was an amazing time…full of adventure. This time we returned to a very commercialized experience. Maybe the lack of hashish and abandonment was better for the kids, but we sure thought it was better in Rum the first time around. 🤷🏼‍♂️ You ever return to a place and have it lose its magic? Anyhow, I’ll leave you with a couple of quotable quotes from Bedouins we met 13 years ago (feel free to use these in daily discourse): “You see, a woman could be hugging you and still could figure out a way to make love to another man.” (This guy also said a woman could figure out how to cheat on a man, even if kept on a leash) Clenched teeth rating=😬😬😬 “I'd be a very bad wife. I'd make love to every man in town. Then, you'd have to kill me.” Clenched teeth rating=😬😬😬😬😬 #familytravels #MYJORDANJOURNEY #JORDAN #MYJORDAN #wanderlist #wtkr #bedouincamp #bedouinlife
Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A man so blessed in looks, so gifted in intelligence, so blissfully unaware of his own perfection, so virile it makes statues of Greek gods appear namby-pamby, so…ugh…it hurts my head just thinking about all the superlatives that apply. I am forever grateful you blessed me with your body, your soul, your musk. How can I even repay you? Hey, @socal_to_sevilla I drafted the above 👆🏻 caption for you to use today in an Instagram post devoted to me. Please don’t edit and post without my prior approval. Thank you for your continued cooperation. #fathersday #petrajordan #myjordanjourney #jordancountry #unesco #holidayswithkids #wanderfam #wanderlusting #madbadtraveldad
Number seven on my list of things to do today is t Number seven on my list of things to do today is to create a new bucket list, since I think I just finished my old one. ✅😅 Number 1,496 on my list today is to stop being so pretentious and annoying (like above). Admittedly, I might not ever get to this one. 🤔😃 Anyhow, I’m super grateful to get back to Petra after a 13-year hiatus (slide to see our first visit). Though much of the area has grown and therefore changed, it was comforting to see my wife still get hit on by pre-teen Bedouins all day. So, thankfully, not too much has changed. 😃 Much thanks for @royaljordanian for making this happen. #favoriteairline 👑 #myjordanjourney #myjordan #petrajordan #royaljordanian #unescoheritage #unescosite #nabatean #worldwonder #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #familytravel
I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone woul I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone would pay me just to hang out with my kids all day. Because then I could use that money to hire a babysitter so I could finally get some time alone. Anyhow, it’s official. The kids found their favorite hotel in the world @westincostanavarino @costanavarino @marriottbonvoy Honestly, I didn’t go here for the kids. I’m a huge fan of those Richard Linklater movies - Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight. And Before Midnight took place in this whole region, including scenes at the hotel. I had it all planned out - my wife and I would act out whole scenes from the movie in the exact locations they took place. But once we found out the hotel had beer and waterslides, well…my plan obviously went to shit. 🤷🏼‍♂️ What are some of your favorite hotels in the world? I’m looking for more magic like we found here. Girl child’s outfit by @pavonada_com Man child’s outfit by the final sale, no-returns-allowed rack at H&M #greecewithkids #greecelover_gr #greece_travel #grécia #grècia #grecia🇬🇷 #costanavarinomoments #costanavarinoresort #marriottbonvoy
I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation w I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation while we’re on vacation. Simply because I’m afraid of you burgling our home while we’re away (yes, I’m talking about you). But we’re technically, fully nomadic at the moment. All of our material possessions are spread across nine cities in three countries. In other words, we’re such a mess that you’ll really struggle to steal it all from us. And, actually, you’d be doing us a favor if you did. So, I’m posting away! 😉 #stealaway Not since my wife and I traveled around the world for 14 months has everything been so much of a daily adventure - full of difficulties and surprises. Only, this time it’s with three kids, two demanding jobs, and 12 extra pieces of luggage. And it has been a little weird. Hell, we just spent three nights in Cyprus (where we weren’t planning on going) just frantically working from a decent hotel in a sea of abandoned whorehouses (where my wife didn’t even leave the hotel and I only did so that I could show my kids what would happen to their lives if they weren’t diligent in their schoolwork). #lifelessons Not since we flew from Johannesburg to Mauritius only to return nine hours later (we had to keep the flight or else the rest of our RTW plane tickets would have been voided) have we made such strange, seemingly pointless travel. But we needed to go to Cyprus to get to Jordan, where we are now…waiting on my birthday for a driver that may or may not come after three other options fell through. It’s a bit surreal, but so much takes me back to our trip 13 years ago where life was coming at us so fast. 🌬 😅 Anyhow, this picture (and swipe for video) is from a crazy cool castle on the water at the edge of what is quite possibly one of the prettiest places in the world we’ve seen - Messenia, Greece. Life is good. #holidayswithkids #travelfam #messenia #greecewithkids #wanderfam
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The fine print: Every travel story is a complete fabrication. Truth is, I've never even left the United States (nor do I have a wife or kids).