• Home
  • About
    • Disclaimer!
  • 1001 Beautiful Travel Moments
  • Adventures with Kids
  • Travel Tales

Where the Kids Roam

Adventures in Parenting Adventures with Kids

Rho Takes a Break

Because life is exhausting. 

Share

No Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel Reply

wherethekidsroam
Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A man so blessed in looks, so gifted in intelligence, so blissfully unaware of his own perfection, so virile it makes statues of Greek gods appear namby-pamby, so…ugh…it hurts my head just thinking about all the superlatives that apply. I am forever grateful you blessed me with your body, your soul, your musk. How can I even repay you? Hey, @socal_to_sevilla I drafted the above 👆🏻 caption for you to use today in an Instagram post devoted to me. Please don’t edit and post without my prior approval. Thank you for your continued cooperation. #fathersday #petrajordan #myjordanjourney #jordancountry #unesco #holidayswithkids #wanderfam #wanderlusting #madbadtraveldad
Number seven on my list of things to do today is t Number seven on my list of things to do today is to create a new bucket list, since I think I just finished my old one. ✅😅 Number 1,496 on my list today is to stop being so pretentious and annoying (like above). Admittedly, I might not ever get to this one. 🤔😃 Anyhow, I’m super grateful to get back to Petra after a 13-year hiatus (slide to see our first visit). Though much of the area has grown and therefore changed, it was comforting to see my wife still get hit on by pre-teen Bedouins all day. So, thankfully, not too much has changed. 😃 Much thanks for @royaljordanian for making this happen. #favoriteairline 👑 #myjordanjourney #myjordan #petrajordan #royaljordanian #unescoheritage #unescosite #nabatean #worldwonder #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #familytravel
I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone woul I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone would pay me just to hang out with my kids all day. Because then I could use that money to hire a babysitter so I could finally get some time alone. Anyhow, it’s official. The kids found their favorite hotel in the world @westincostanavarino @costanavarino @marriottbonvoy Honestly, I didn’t go here for the kids. I’m a huge fan of those Richard Linklater movies - Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight. And Before Midnight took place in this whole region, including scenes at the hotel. I had it all planned out - my wife and I would act out whole scenes from the movie in the exact locations they took place. But once we found out the hotel had beer and waterslides, well…my plan obviously went to shit. 🤷🏼‍♂️ What are some of your favorite hotels in the world? I’m looking for more magic like we found here. Girl child’s outfit by @pavonada_com Man child’s outfit by the final sale, no-returns-allowed rack at H&M #greecewithkids #greecelover_gr #greece_travel #grécia #grècia #grecia🇬🇷 #costanavarinomoments #costanavarinoresort #marriottbonvoy
I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation w I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation while we’re on vacation. Simply because I’m afraid of you burgling our home while we’re away (yes, I’m talking about you). But we’re technically, fully nomadic at the moment. All of our material possessions are spread across nine cities in three countries. In other words, we’re such a mess that you’ll really struggle to steal it all from us. And, actually, you’d be doing us a favor if you did. So, I’m posting away! 😉 #stealaway Not since my wife and I traveled around the world for 14 months has everything been so much of a daily adventure - full of difficulties and surprises. Only, this time it’s with three kids, two demanding jobs, and 12 extra pieces of luggage. And it has been a little weird. Hell, we just spent three nights in Cyprus (where we weren’t planning on going) just frantically working from a decent hotel in a sea of abandoned whorehouses (where my wife didn’t even leave the hotel and I only did so that I could show my kids what would happen to their lives if they weren’t diligent in their schoolwork). #lifelessons Not since we flew from Johannesburg to Mauritius only to return nine hours later (we had to keep the flight or else the rest of our RTW plane tickets would have been voided) have we made such strange, seemingly pointless travel. But we needed to go to Cyprus to get to Jordan, where we are now…waiting on my birthday for a driver that may or may not come after three other options fell through. It’s a bit surreal, but so much takes me back to our trip 13 years ago where life was coming at us so fast. 🌬 😅 Anyhow, this picture (and swipe for video) is from a crazy cool castle on the water at the edge of what is quite possibly one of the prettiest places in the world we’ve seen - Messenia, Greece. Life is good. #holidayswithkids #travelfam #messenia #greecewithkids #wanderfam
The place where my heart should be is now full. Th The place where my heart should be is now full. This spot has been on my list for so long, and it didn’t fail to deliver. #meteora #amazinggreece This almost deserves a hashtag “blessed”, but I still have a modicum of self respect remaining. 🤏 Also, it was a really nice bonus to see other abstinent people around, even if theirs is by choice. #monklife 😃 I think @socal_to_sevilla is getting sick of these jokes, but what do I have to lose, amiright? 🤷🏼‍♂️😬 Would you live in a monastery (to avoid your family)? 😌 #meteoragreece #meteoramonastery #greeceisforlovers #greecewithkids #holidayswithkids #familytraveller #familyvacation #wanderfamily
No one keeps asking me - “Why don’t you post m No one keeps asking me - “Why don’t you post more? Especially pictures of you. We never see enough of you. You’re such a stud.” So, in an effort to keep no one happy, here’s a photo of me (and the kids). And here are my engagement questions - Why don’t you ask me for more of me? 😩😭 Am I being needy? Insecure? I can change I promise. Just give me a chance. I’m sorry I left those nine voice messages on your phone even though I know no one checks voice messages anymore. I just wanted to hear your voice. Check your WhatsApp too btw, I sent you a photo. No, it’s not that. You told me no more of that. But, yes, I got another tattoo of your face and name, this time over my heart. Can you please call me so we can fall asleep one last time while talking to each other? I miss that. I miss us. #engagementquestions #badatinstagram #greeceislands #naxosisland #naxosgreece #grecia🇬🇷 #greekgods #greekgod #greecekids #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #wtkr
If you know me, you know I don’t do well with la If you know me, you know I don’t do well with large crowds. Thus, we left right after this photo was taken, when one other person arrived to the Parthenon 🏛☹️😒#crowded #greecewithkids #parthenon #acropolis Have you been to the Acropolis? Was it this crazy when you went?? 🤯😰 Anyhow, after being in a top secret location with very poor internet for four days we’re back online. What did I miss? Something important like a new Tik-Tok dance craze? 😬🙏🏻 #lovinggreece #athensforkids #greeceforever #greeceforkids
I woke up and started scrolling Instagram this mor I woke up and started scrolling Instagram this morning and I was not impressed. Here were my thoughts (in order): “You’re posting the same video to Reels everyone else is posting? Why?? Can’t you be original? Are you even using one of same five trendy songs they’re using too? 🤯 Try harder please.” “Great, a blurry photo of your family in some city, somewhere. Cool. Haven’t you figured out the export/import settings to properly post a sharp photo to Instagram yet?” “Yes, we get it. You sold everything to travel the world. Slow clap 👏🏻😒 Remind me, why do I care about 500 photos of your kids again?” “Are you selling something here (a kid?)? What is your purpose? Like, in life. What is your purpose in life? You’re wasting your time (and mine). 😾” And that’s when I realized I was scrolling my own feed. 😃✌🏻 In the comments, tell me what posts you want more of. Posts promoting deep-dish pizza? Posts telling you how good my life is so you’ll hate your own? Posts selling my secrets to guaranteed success? I’m open. 🤗 #algarveportugal #algarvelovers #algarvecoast #lagosportugal #lagosgirls #portugalfamily #wanderfamily #travelwithus #portugal_photos #portugalete #portugal_gems #portugal_places #portugalhotels #portugalmyworld #portugalvisuals
For the second Sunday in a row (Europe, then USA), For the second Sunday in a row (Europe, then USA), happy Mother’s Day 🎉👏🏻 Does this ever end? It feels like #mothersdayeveryday 😒 Here’s to the woman who literally and figuratively carries us on her back, but who strangely hates when we call her “donkey.” Go figure 🤔 Who knew? 🤷🏼‍♂️ I love you @socal_to_sevilla and I apologize for convincing the kids that I carried them in my belly and gave birth to them while you were in rehab. That was wrong and I understand that now. Finally, thank you for treating me like the child I am. I will take my bath and sandwich now. #portugalonthetop #portugaltourism #lisboa🇵🇹 #lisbonforever #lisboacool #lisboasecreta #lisbonne🇵🇹 #portugal_places #portugal_gems #mothersyay #mothersdayweekend
We might not be in Sevilla (or Spain) too much lon We might not be in Sevilla (or Spain) too much longer. And, even though I’ve had some frustrations with certain things here (e.g. 37 unnecessary dentist appointments), I honestly don’t think we’ve lived in a better city. We moved from the 6th safest city in the United States, and Sevilla makes our old city seem like South Sudan. No guns, no fights, no drunk people, kids out playing until midnight (sometimes, ironically, with guns). It’s all a little surreal. And, again, it’s not perfect. I could write a really long caption about our negative experiences. But I just want to end with the number one, best thing about Sevilla (and Spain in general)...and that is - there is no better place we’ve seen for kids. Kids are treated like royalty here, and often addressed as the same (i.e. Reina). For example, we’d only occasionally take our kids to restaurants back home. And there we’d get dirty looks from other patrons and purposely bad service from a 20 year old waiter who still expected a 20% tip (but that’s another topic). Not once has someone unnecessarily reprimanded our kids here. My youngest child could be hanging from the chandelier and he’d simply get a smile and a friendly rub on the head from the waitstaff. They understand that kids are kids and should be able to be kids because they’re kids (you get that?🤔)! It’s like the perfect childhood. 🥰 And for that, Spain, we are very grateful. Now, if you could just get my fucking kid down from the chandelier, I’d appreciate it 😌🙏🏻 🇪🇸 #expatfamily #expatlife #travelwithkids #spainkids #sevillanas #sevillahoy #sevillecathedral #sevillespain #sevillagram
I think it’s important to get your kids outside I think it’s important to get your kids outside the classroom, so they can actually do some real learning. Like when we visited this pink salt lake. The kids really wanted to know what it was, and how it was created. So I told them the truth, that it was created by mermaid blood and that drinking a mouthful of it would give them superpowers. Man, you should’ve seen their faces after they drank some and started violently throwing up. I feel like they really learned something that day. It’s 2021 so I have to write this - I’m kidding, obviously 👆🏻🙄 We’re seriously thinking about homeschooling the kids though. Can anyone share their good (or bad) experiences? 🙏🏻 #walvisbay #namibiatourism #travelwithkidstips #familyaffairs #familyphotoshoots #pinklake #saltlake #namibdesert #wanderlusting_soul
Ahhhh...Andalucía, you had us at olé 💃🏼 S Ahhhh...Andalucía, you had us at olé 💃🏼 So, this week is usually Féria week in Sevilla, which we’ve never really experienced as it’s been canceled two years in a row. But, from my understanding of it all, instead of just singing, dancing, drinking, and eating well, as they do here on a regular basis, Féria means they sing, dance, drink, and eat well...while wearing big fancy outfits! Huge difference 😅😉 Oh, and today is a holiday here. As an American, it’s very strange (but very welcome) to have more holidays in two months than you’re used to in two years. It’s almost like they work to live, instead of living to work. What a concept 😱🤯 I can’t wait to celebrate today. That is, if the hospital clears my youngest from their concussion protocol...but that’s another story. Sigh 🤕😔☹️🤦🏼‍♂️ #feriadeabril #feriasevilla #feriadesevilla #sevillanas #seville #sevillagram #sevillespain #andalucía
Vietnam 🇻🇳 is our second favorite country to Vietnam 🇻🇳 is our second favorite country to visit. Can you guess the first?* * All wrong guesses will be immediately reported to Instagram, leading to your account being disabled, your friends and family shunning you, the loss of your job and home, and a lifetime of despair.** ** I take that back. A disabled Instagram account would mean you’re truly free. Please guess incorrectly and enjoy your last bit of freedom before the robots take over the world.*** *** Now, note - I wrote six more entries to this (SIX!), where each entry got progressively stranger and ultimately made you question my sobriety (and sanity). But, unfortunately, my wife made me delete them. In her words - “You cannot write about how you fell into the robot sex slave industry and became its top performer after the robots took over. Stop acting weird. People are going to think you’re weird.” She’s obviously no fun 😒 In my defense, it had a really good arc and was ultimately a redemption story about a robot hooker with a heart of gold. But I suppose the world just wasn’t ready ☹️😕🙁 Anyhow...umm, yeah, Vietnam. Go there. It’s great. Half of the photos are GoPro btw. #goprovietnam #vietnamstreetstylegroup #vietnamtravel #vietnamcharm #việtnam #việt #vietnamita #vietnamphotographer #vietnamtravelers #vietnamjourney #vietfitfam #vietstreetfood
In a life full of wrong turns, poor judgment, and In a life full of wrong turns, poor judgment, and missed opportunities, I somehow ended up exactly where I always wanted to be. Happy Easter everyone. Save this post, then share on Facebook and forward to 15 friends and tag someone you’d want to be here with to enter my raffle to be eligible for my giveaway for a chance to be featured at the bottom corner of my stories which will put you in the running for a shoutout in one of my Reels promoting hand lotion in 2024. Good luck everyone. Where will you go this summer when the pandemic will definitely be over and we’ll be mouth-kissing strangers again? 🤞🏻
Happy (looking at calendar and checking to see wha Happy (looking at calendar and checking to see what’s trending on Instagram)...umm...International Women’s Day 🎉🥳 Women are, by far (BY FAR!), my favorite gender. Well, make that top three. 🤔 Enjoy your day chicas. Except, when is that lunch gonna be ready? I’m hungry. 🤤 Kidding, of course. But not about how hungry I am @socal_to_sevilla 👈🏻🥘 #chopchop I hate that I have to say this, but...you all know I’m joking, right? 😬🙄 Pictured: my two faves 👩‍👧💕 #visitseville #visitspain #sevillaespaña #sevillespain🇪🇸 #spaingirls #womensday2021 #internationalwomensday2021 #travelfamilies
Happy Chinese New Year 🧧#lunarnewyear #yearofth Happy Chinese New Year 🧧#lunarnewyear #yearoftheox #springfestival #chinesenewyear China is one of my absolute favorite countries to visit. But, if I told you half of the crazy shit we saw when we were there, this post would be flagged, removed, and I’d never get to go back. So I’m saying nothing 🤐 However, I will (safely) say some highlights/lowlights included: Seeing Michael Phelps @m_phelps00 dominate in the olympics. Having the entire US Men’s Olympic basketball team cut in front of us in line to take toboggans(?) down the Great Wall. Kind of a dick move @dwyanewade and @cp3 Just sayin’ 😒😂😜 #usa #1 #inline #wheredidyouhavetobe #rushhour Also, China was the place of our biggest travel disappointment. One day we hiked, in the pouring rain, on slippery rocks, for hours just to get near the top of Mount Huashan #mthuashan only to find that there was a gondola on the other side of the mountain taking up tourists in flip flops. 😕👎🏻And then, to compound things, we were turned away from the toughest part of the hike (one of the world’s most dangerous hikes) due to the “danger” involved. Sigh 🤦🏼‍♂️😣 #nexttime #fivesacredmountains
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day 5, Jordan 🇯🇴 Surprise! More stomach issues. Between all the parasites and subsequent antibiotics over the years, I imagined my intestines looked very much like old, cracked pvc pipes replete with calcium buildup and soap scum. Let that image sink in. So, knowing we wouldn’t be home for many months (we were on a 14-month trip), I decided to do the smart thing and see a doctor about my issues. I walked into a hospital and quickly and easily saw an amiable, English-speaking German doctor. We got along famously. Well, we did until he decided to shove a scope (or was it a sword? 🤔) the entire length of my intestines in me with no form of medication whatsoever. I quickly discovered there’s a reason they sedate people for these. At the end of it all, as I was limping out of what I like to call the “Pit of Despair”, Captain Obvious said to me, “Yes, you had a parasite.” “Gee, thanks”, I replied. “I’ve learned so much.” 😒 But I love Jordan and would totally go back (since I’m due for a checkup). ✌🏻 #visitjordan #jordania🇯🇴 #jordanian #jordanpetra #seejordan #ammanjordan #deadseajordan
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day four: Peru 🇵🇪 This one isn’t as dramatic as the others. But I got some stomach bug at our remote Amazon lodge and the sheer remoteness made me have one of my patented drama-queen panic attacks. You really had to be there. But, in my defense, the pain was awful and there was no medicine at the lodge and we were about an hour-and-a-half boat ride just to get us to a dirt road that would take us an hour just to make it back to one of the most isolated big cities in the world (Iquitos has no REAL roads going in or out of it)! So, yeah, I swore I would die there. But the lodge sent someone who brought me medicine six or seven hours later...so, yeah, here I am. 😅 (btw, I went back to my very, very old blog to confirm all of this, but I never wrote anything about this, so maybe this is all in my head 🤷🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️). Anyhow, in the Amazon: we swam with pink, freshwater dolphins; I caught a cayman 🐊at night with my bare hands; we saw numerous sloths 🦥 (my fave animal); we drank questionable hooch 🥃from a grimy, makeshift, local “distillery” we wished we’d never seen 🤢 (this probably cured me though); we fished for (and ate) piranhas 👎🏻; we ate the best mangos 🥭 of our lives👍🏻; and we held an anaconda the local villagers caught the day before 🐍. All this while being attacked by unrelenting mosquitoes 🦟. And I’m not exaggerating when I say we’d have hundreds of mosquitoes on our bodies at once and they were even strong enough to bite us through our jeans and an extra layer of pants on underneath. They were truly savage. Another Peru highlight was hiking the Salkantay trail to Machu Picchu. There were no altitude problems 😉, but my rented hiking boots didn’t fit me very well, so I hiked a good portion of the trail barefoot. Oh! And the first night of the hike we were so cold and wet in our tent that we zipped our sleeping bags together and held each other all night, shivering, and didn’t sleep a single minute. Good times. 😃 I love Peru and would totally go back! #perutrip #peru🇵🇪 #peruamazon #amazonforest #machupichu #peruadventure
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day 3: Guatemala 🇬🇹 Guatemala is my absolute favorite Central America country to be wailing in pain while alone in a cheap, dirty hotel room after I sent my wife out of the room in order to avoid the embarrassment of her seeing me, a grown ass man, embarrassingly wailing in pain. The problem is...she left and I didn’t have medicine yet. Obviously, I was so mad at her for listening to me (for once) and deserting me (as usual). So, with all the power and resolve I still had, I dragged myself outside, walking down a dusty road, completely buckled over in pain, saying, “necesito drogas” to any drug dealer/pharmacist who would listen. Pro tip: cocaine does not cure stomach parasites (kidding, it was heroin and it totally does. Double kidding 😬 It’s a joke, chill). But I love Guatemala and would totally go back! 😍 These are super, super old photos btw. But we were really stoked with our 4.2 megapixel throw-away camera at the time 🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂 Don’t judge... #guatemala🇬🇹 #guategram #guatelinda #guatelove #instaguate #exploraguatemala #therealguatemala
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day 2: India 🇮🇳 So, after my almost-dying-in Nepal post the other day, someone wrote me something along the lines of, “Well, I hope the rest of your trip was enjoyable.” Unfortunately, the answer to that is, “No. Nope. NO IT WAS NOT!” Because, after Nepal, we immediately flew to India. And I was so sick from a parasite in India that I was ACTUALLY wishing I was back up in the Himalayas without oxygen. It was almost like India watched how sick Nepal made me, that it said, “Oh yeah? You think that was bad? Hold my beer...”. Highlights/Lowlights: It was 108 degrees Fahrenheit (42 Celsius) or more each day. Which means every tourist, not just me, looked like they had the diarrhea sweats. I’m kidding, of course. There were no other tourists dumb enough to go to India in June, just us 🤦🏼‍♂️; My experience resulted in a 10-year aversion to Indian food. No joke. And I love Indian food. It’s just I had to reintroduce it slowly and painfully...e.g. Take a bite of naan, dry heave; Take a bite of chana masala, open the window for some fresh air; Take a bite of palak paneer, die inside; However, I was eventually able to develop an iPhone app that sends partially-debilitating electric shocks through your body as a friendly reminder anytime you’re in New Delhi and get further than a one-minute Olympic-style speed walk away from a public restroom. Granted, the early versions would just paralyze you and make you shit your pants (meaning, you weren’t really worse off), but we worked it out eventually. 👍🏻😅 #loveindia #incredibleindia
Load More... Follow on Instagram

About Me?

About Me?

I am a father, husband, world traveler, and unsolicited masseur. My wife thought that last description was creepy and untrue until she received an unexpected massage. After that, she just thought it was creepy. I love non sequiturs. Cake and children are equally delicious. When not around children who are screaming and crying, I like to read books. I have not read a book in eight years.

  • 1001 BTMs – #1 Walking Down the al-Sīq to the Treasury in Petra

  • 1001 Beautiful Travel Moments

  • One of the Best Countries to Take Kids – Vietnam

  • My Favorite Instagram Captions – Country Fact Edition (The Last One Will Blow Your Mind)

  • How to Disappear Completely (Yet Let Everyone Know You’re Living Your Best Life in Spain)

  • Rho Takes a Break

  • Our Gap Year Part II: Fiji

  • Our Gap Year Or: How I Learned To Love Sleeping In Hostel Twin Beds And Taking Cold Showers

  • How to Get the Fuck off the Hamster Wheel and Live Again: A Guide to Dropping out of Society and Forging your Own Path

  • An Average Day in Mandatory Lockdown #CoronovirusEdition

Categories

Instagram

wherethekidsroam
Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A Happy Father’s Day to the greatest guy I know. A man so blessed in looks, so gifted in intelligence, so blissfully unaware of his own perfection, so virile it makes statues of Greek gods appear namby-pamby, so…ugh…it hurts my head just thinking about all the superlatives that apply. I am forever grateful you blessed me with your body, your soul, your musk. How can I even repay you? Hey, @socal_to_sevilla I drafted the above 👆🏻 caption for you to use today in an Instagram post devoted to me. Please don’t edit and post without my prior approval. Thank you for your continued cooperation. #fathersday #petrajordan #myjordanjourney #jordancountry #unesco #holidayswithkids #wanderfam #wanderlusting #madbadtraveldad
Number seven on my list of things to do today is t Number seven on my list of things to do today is to create a new bucket list, since I think I just finished my old one. ✅😅 Number 1,496 on my list today is to stop being so pretentious and annoying (like above). Admittedly, I might not ever get to this one. 🤔😃 Anyhow, I’m super grateful to get back to Petra after a 13-year hiatus (slide to see our first visit). Though much of the area has grown and therefore changed, it was comforting to see my wife still get hit on by pre-teen Bedouins all day. So, thankfully, not too much has changed. 😃 Much thanks for @royaljordanian for making this happen. #favoriteairline 👑 #myjordanjourney #myjordan #petrajordan #royaljordanian #unescoheritage #unescosite #nabatean #worldwonder #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #familytravel
I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone woul I know it doesn’t exist, but I wish someone would pay me just to hang out with my kids all day. Because then I could use that money to hire a babysitter so I could finally get some time alone. Anyhow, it’s official. The kids found their favorite hotel in the world @westincostanavarino @costanavarino @marriottbonvoy Honestly, I didn’t go here for the kids. I’m a huge fan of those Richard Linklater movies - Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight. And Before Midnight took place in this whole region, including scenes at the hotel. I had it all planned out - my wife and I would act out whole scenes from the movie in the exact locations they took place. But once we found out the hotel had beer and waterslides, well…my plan obviously went to shit. 🤷🏼‍♂️ What are some of your favorite hotels in the world? I’m looking for more magic like we found here. Girl child’s outfit by @pavonada_com Man child’s outfit by the final sale, no-returns-allowed rack at H&M #greecewithkids #greecelover_gr #greece_travel #grécia #grècia #grecia🇬🇷 #costanavarinomoments #costanavarinoresort #marriottbonvoy
I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation w I rarely, if ever, post anything of our vacation while we’re on vacation. Simply because I’m afraid of you burgling our home while we’re away (yes, I’m talking about you). But we’re technically, fully nomadic at the moment. All of our material possessions are spread across nine cities in three countries. In other words, we’re such a mess that you’ll really struggle to steal it all from us. And, actually, you’d be doing us a favor if you did. So, I’m posting away! 😉 #stealaway Not since my wife and I traveled around the world for 14 months has everything been so much of a daily adventure - full of difficulties and surprises. Only, this time it’s with three kids, two demanding jobs, and 12 extra pieces of luggage. And it has been a little weird. Hell, we just spent three nights in Cyprus (where we weren’t planning on going) just frantically working from a decent hotel in a sea of abandoned whorehouses (where my wife didn’t even leave the hotel and I only did so that I could show my kids what would happen to their lives if they weren’t diligent in their schoolwork). #lifelessons Not since we flew from Johannesburg to Mauritius only to return nine hours later (we had to keep the flight or else the rest of our RTW plane tickets would have been voided) have we made such strange, seemingly pointless travel. But we needed to go to Cyprus to get to Jordan, where we are now…waiting on my birthday for a driver that may or may not come after three other options fell through. It’s a bit surreal, but so much takes me back to our trip 13 years ago where life was coming at us so fast. 🌬 😅 Anyhow, this picture (and swipe for video) is from a crazy cool castle on the water at the edge of what is quite possibly one of the prettiest places in the world we’ve seen - Messenia, Greece. Life is good. #holidayswithkids #travelfam #messenia #greecewithkids #wanderfam
The place where my heart should be is now full. Th The place where my heart should be is now full. This spot has been on my list for so long, and it didn’t fail to deliver. #meteora #amazinggreece This almost deserves a hashtag “blessed”, but I still have a modicum of self respect remaining. 🤏 Also, it was a really nice bonus to see other abstinent people around, even if theirs is by choice. #monklife 😃 I think @socal_to_sevilla is getting sick of these jokes, but what do I have to lose, amiright? 🤷🏼‍♂️😬 Would you live in a monastery (to avoid your family)? 😌 #meteoragreece #meteoramonastery #greeceisforlovers #greecewithkids #holidayswithkids #familytraveller #familyvacation #wanderfamily
No one keeps asking me - “Why don’t you post m No one keeps asking me - “Why don’t you post more? Especially pictures of you. We never see enough of you. You’re such a stud.” So, in an effort to keep no one happy, here’s a photo of me (and the kids). And here are my engagement questions - Why don’t you ask me for more of me? 😩😭 Am I being needy? Insecure? I can change I promise. Just give me a chance. I’m sorry I left those nine voice messages on your phone even though I know no one checks voice messages anymore. I just wanted to hear your voice. Check your WhatsApp too btw, I sent you a photo. No, it’s not that. You told me no more of that. But, yes, I got another tattoo of your face and name, this time over my heart. Can you please call me so we can fall asleep one last time while talking to each other? I miss that. I miss us. #engagementquestions #badatinstagram #greeceislands #naxosisland #naxosgreece #grecia🇬🇷 #greekgods #greekgod #greecekids #travelwithkids #holidayswithkids #wtkr
If you know me, you know I don’t do well with la If you know me, you know I don’t do well with large crowds. Thus, we left right after this photo was taken, when one other person arrived to the Parthenon 🏛☹️😒#crowded #greecewithkids #parthenon #acropolis Have you been to the Acropolis? Was it this crazy when you went?? 🤯😰 Anyhow, after being in a top secret location with very poor internet for four days we’re back online. What did I miss? Something important like a new Tik-Tok dance craze? 😬🙏🏻 #lovinggreece #athensforkids #greeceforever #greeceforkids
I woke up and started scrolling Instagram this mor I woke up and started scrolling Instagram this morning and I was not impressed. Here were my thoughts (in order): “You’re posting the same video to Reels everyone else is posting? Why?? Can’t you be original? Are you even using one of same five trendy songs they’re using too? 🤯 Try harder please.” “Great, a blurry photo of your family in some city, somewhere. Cool. Haven’t you figured out the export/import settings to properly post a sharp photo to Instagram yet?” “Yes, we get it. You sold everything to travel the world. Slow clap 👏🏻😒 Remind me, why do I care about 500 photos of your kids again?” “Are you selling something here (a kid?)? What is your purpose? Like, in life. What is your purpose in life? You’re wasting your time (and mine). 😾” And that’s when I realized I was scrolling my own feed. 😃✌🏻 In the comments, tell me what posts you want more of. Posts promoting deep-dish pizza? Posts telling you how good my life is so you’ll hate your own? Posts selling my secrets to guaranteed success? I’m open. 🤗 #algarveportugal #algarvelovers #algarvecoast #lagosportugal #lagosgirls #portugalfamily #wanderfamily #travelwithus #portugal_photos #portugalete #portugal_gems #portugal_places #portugalhotels #portugalmyworld #portugalvisuals
For the second Sunday in a row (Europe, then USA), For the second Sunday in a row (Europe, then USA), happy Mother’s Day 🎉👏🏻 Does this ever end? It feels like #mothersdayeveryday 😒 Here’s to the woman who literally and figuratively carries us on her back, but who strangely hates when we call her “donkey.” Go figure 🤔 Who knew? 🤷🏼‍♂️ I love you @socal_to_sevilla and I apologize for convincing the kids that I carried them in my belly and gave birth to them while you were in rehab. That was wrong and I understand that now. Finally, thank you for treating me like the child I am. I will take my bath and sandwich now. #portugalonthetop #portugaltourism #lisboa🇵🇹 #lisbonforever #lisboacool #lisboasecreta #lisbonne🇵🇹 #portugal_places #portugal_gems #mothersyay #mothersdayweekend
We might not be in Sevilla (or Spain) too much lon We might not be in Sevilla (or Spain) too much longer. And, even though I’ve had some frustrations with certain things here (e.g. 37 unnecessary dentist appointments), I honestly don’t think we’ve lived in a better city. We moved from the 6th safest city in the United States, and Sevilla makes our old city seem like South Sudan. No guns, no fights, no drunk people, kids out playing until midnight (sometimes, ironically, with guns). It’s all a little surreal. And, again, it’s not perfect. I could write a really long caption about our negative experiences. But I just want to end with the number one, best thing about Sevilla (and Spain in general)...and that is - there is no better place we’ve seen for kids. Kids are treated like royalty here, and often addressed as the same (i.e. Reina). For example, we’d only occasionally take our kids to restaurants back home. And there we’d get dirty looks from other patrons and purposely bad service from a 20 year old waiter who still expected a 20% tip (but that’s another topic). Not once has someone unnecessarily reprimanded our kids here. My youngest child could be hanging from the chandelier and he’d simply get a smile and a friendly rub on the head from the waitstaff. They understand that kids are kids and should be able to be kids because they’re kids (you get that?🤔)! It’s like the perfect childhood. 🥰 And for that, Spain, we are very grateful. Now, if you could just get my fucking kid down from the chandelier, I’d appreciate it 😌🙏🏻 🇪🇸 #expatfamily #expatlife #travelwithkids #spainkids #sevillanas #sevillahoy #sevillecathedral #sevillespain #sevillagram
I think it’s important to get your kids outside I think it’s important to get your kids outside the classroom, so they can actually do some real learning. Like when we visited this pink salt lake. The kids really wanted to know what it was, and how it was created. So I told them the truth, that it was created by mermaid blood and that drinking a mouthful of it would give them superpowers. Man, you should’ve seen their faces after they drank some and started violently throwing up. I feel like they really learned something that day. It’s 2021 so I have to write this - I’m kidding, obviously 👆🏻🙄 We’re seriously thinking about homeschooling the kids though. Can anyone share their good (or bad) experiences? 🙏🏻 #walvisbay #namibiatourism #travelwithkidstips #familyaffairs #familyphotoshoots #pinklake #saltlake #namibdesert #wanderlusting_soul
Ahhhh...Andalucía, you had us at olé 💃🏼 S Ahhhh...Andalucía, you had us at olé 💃🏼 So, this week is usually Féria week in Sevilla, which we’ve never really experienced as it’s been canceled two years in a row. But, from my understanding of it all, instead of just singing, dancing, drinking, and eating well, as they do here on a regular basis, Féria means they sing, dance, drink, and eat well...while wearing big fancy outfits! Huge difference 😅😉 Oh, and today is a holiday here. As an American, it’s very strange (but very welcome) to have more holidays in two months than you’re used to in two years. It’s almost like they work to live, instead of living to work. What a concept 😱🤯 I can’t wait to celebrate today. That is, if the hospital clears my youngest from their concussion protocol...but that’s another story. Sigh 🤕😔☹️🤦🏼‍♂️ #feriadeabril #feriasevilla #feriadesevilla #sevillanas #seville #sevillagram #sevillespain #andalucía
Vietnam 🇻🇳 is our second favorite country to Vietnam 🇻🇳 is our second favorite country to visit. Can you guess the first?* * All wrong guesses will be immediately reported to Instagram, leading to your account being disabled, your friends and family shunning you, the loss of your job and home, and a lifetime of despair.** ** I take that back. A disabled Instagram account would mean you’re truly free. Please guess incorrectly and enjoy your last bit of freedom before the robots take over the world.*** *** Now, note - I wrote six more entries to this (SIX!), where each entry got progressively stranger and ultimately made you question my sobriety (and sanity). But, unfortunately, my wife made me delete them. In her words - “You cannot write about how you fell into the robot sex slave industry and became its top performer after the robots took over. Stop acting weird. People are going to think you’re weird.” She’s obviously no fun 😒 In my defense, it had a really good arc and was ultimately a redemption story about a robot hooker with a heart of gold. But I suppose the world just wasn’t ready ☹️😕🙁 Anyhow...umm, yeah, Vietnam. Go there. It’s great. Half of the photos are GoPro btw. #goprovietnam #vietnamstreetstylegroup #vietnamtravel #vietnamcharm #việtnam #việt #vietnamita #vietnamphotographer #vietnamtravelers #vietnamjourney #vietfitfam #vietstreetfood
In a life full of wrong turns, poor judgment, and In a life full of wrong turns, poor judgment, and missed opportunities, I somehow ended up exactly where I always wanted to be. Happy Easter everyone. Save this post, then share on Facebook and forward to 15 friends and tag someone you’d want to be here with to enter my raffle to be eligible for my giveaway for a chance to be featured at the bottom corner of my stories which will put you in the running for a shoutout in one of my Reels promoting hand lotion in 2024. Good luck everyone. Where will you go this summer when the pandemic will definitely be over and we’ll be mouth-kissing strangers again? 🤞🏻
Happy (looking at calendar and checking to see wha Happy (looking at calendar and checking to see what’s trending on Instagram)...umm...International Women’s Day 🎉🥳 Women are, by far (BY FAR!), my favorite gender. Well, make that top three. 🤔 Enjoy your day chicas. Except, when is that lunch gonna be ready? I’m hungry. 🤤 Kidding, of course. But not about how hungry I am @socal_to_sevilla 👈🏻🥘 #chopchop I hate that I have to say this, but...you all know I’m joking, right? 😬🙄 Pictured: my two faves 👩‍👧💕 #visitseville #visitspain #sevillaespaña #sevillespain🇪🇸 #spaingirls #womensday2021 #internationalwomensday2021 #travelfamilies
Happy Chinese New Year 🧧#lunarnewyear #yearofth Happy Chinese New Year 🧧#lunarnewyear #yearoftheox #springfestival #chinesenewyear China is one of my absolute favorite countries to visit. But, if I told you half of the crazy shit we saw when we were there, this post would be flagged, removed, and I’d never get to go back. So I’m saying nothing 🤐 However, I will (safely) say some highlights/lowlights included: Seeing Michael Phelps @m_phelps00 dominate in the olympics. Having the entire US Men’s Olympic basketball team cut in front of us in line to take toboggans(?) down the Great Wall. Kind of a dick move @dwyanewade and @cp3 Just sayin’ 😒😂😜 #usa #1 #inline #wheredidyouhavetobe #rushhour Also, China was the place of our biggest travel disappointment. One day we hiked, in the pouring rain, on slippery rocks, for hours just to get near the top of Mount Huashan #mthuashan only to find that there was a gondola on the other side of the mountain taking up tourists in flip flops. 😕👎🏻And then, to compound things, we were turned away from the toughest part of the hike (one of the world’s most dangerous hikes) due to the “danger” involved. Sigh 🤦🏼‍♂️😣 #nexttime #fivesacredmountains
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day 5, Jordan 🇯🇴 Surprise! More stomach issues. Between all the parasites and subsequent antibiotics over the years, I imagined my intestines looked very much like old, cracked pvc pipes replete with calcium buildup and soap scum. Let that image sink in. So, knowing we wouldn’t be home for many months (we were on a 14-month trip), I decided to do the smart thing and see a doctor about my issues. I walked into a hospital and quickly and easily saw an amiable, English-speaking German doctor. We got along famously. Well, we did until he decided to shove a scope (or was it a sword? 🤔) the entire length of my intestines in me with no form of medication whatsoever. I quickly discovered there’s a reason they sedate people for these. At the end of it all, as I was limping out of what I like to call the “Pit of Despair”, Captain Obvious said to me, “Yes, you had a parasite.” “Gee, thanks”, I replied. “I’ve learned so much.” 😒 But I love Jordan and would totally go back (since I’m due for a checkup). ✌🏻 #visitjordan #jordania🇯🇴 #jordanian #jordanpetra #seejordan #ammanjordan #deadseajordan
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day four: Peru 🇵🇪 This one isn’t as dramatic as the others. But I got some stomach bug at our remote Amazon lodge and the sheer remoteness made me have one of my patented drama-queen panic attacks. You really had to be there. But, in my defense, the pain was awful and there was no medicine at the lodge and we were about an hour-and-a-half boat ride just to get us to a dirt road that would take us an hour just to make it back to one of the most isolated big cities in the world (Iquitos has no REAL roads going in or out of it)! So, yeah, I swore I would die there. But the lodge sent someone who brought me medicine six or seven hours later...so, yeah, here I am. 😅 (btw, I went back to my very, very old blog to confirm all of this, but I never wrote anything about this, so maybe this is all in my head 🤷🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️). Anyhow, in the Amazon: we swam with pink, freshwater dolphins; I caught a cayman 🐊at night with my bare hands; we saw numerous sloths 🦥 (my fave animal); we drank questionable hooch 🥃from a grimy, makeshift, local “distillery” we wished we’d never seen 🤢 (this probably cured me though); we fished for (and ate) piranhas 👎🏻; we ate the best mangos 🥭 of our lives👍🏻; and we held an anaconda the local villagers caught the day before 🐍. All this while being attacked by unrelenting mosquitoes 🦟. And I’m not exaggerating when I say we’d have hundreds of mosquitoes on our bodies at once and they were even strong enough to bite us through our jeans and an extra layer of pants on underneath. They were truly savage. Another Peru highlight was hiking the Salkantay trail to Machu Picchu. There were no altitude problems 😉, but my rented hiking boots didn’t fit me very well, so I hiked a good portion of the trail barefoot. Oh! And the first night of the hike we were so cold and wet in our tent that we zipped our sleeping bags together and held each other all night, shivering, and didn’t sleep a single minute. Good times. 😃 I love Peru and would totally go back! #perutrip #peru🇵🇪 #peruamazon #amazonforest #machupichu #peruadventure
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day 3: Guatemala 🇬🇹 Guatemala is my absolute favorite Central America country to be wailing in pain while alone in a cheap, dirty hotel room after I sent my wife out of the room in order to avoid the embarrassment of her seeing me, a grown ass man, embarrassingly wailing in pain. The problem is...she left and I didn’t have medicine yet. Obviously, I was so mad at her for listening to me (for once) and deserting me (as usual). So, with all the power and resolve I still had, I dragged myself outside, walking down a dusty road, completely buckled over in pain, saying, “necesito drogas” to any drug dealer/pharmacist who would listen. Pro tip: cocaine does not cure stomach parasites (kidding, it was heroin and it totally does. Double kidding 😬 It’s a joke, chill). But I love Guatemala and would totally go back! 😍 These are super, super old photos btw. But we were really stoked with our 4.2 megapixel throw-away camera at the time 🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂 Don’t judge... #guatemala🇬🇹 #guategram #guatelinda #guatelove #instaguate #exploraguatemala #therealguatemala
Five days, five countries I swore I was going to d Five days, five countries I swore I was going to die in. Day 2: India 🇮🇳 So, after my almost-dying-in Nepal post the other day, someone wrote me something along the lines of, “Well, I hope the rest of your trip was enjoyable.” Unfortunately, the answer to that is, “No. Nope. NO IT WAS NOT!” Because, after Nepal, we immediately flew to India. And I was so sick from a parasite in India that I was ACTUALLY wishing I was back up in the Himalayas without oxygen. It was almost like India watched how sick Nepal made me, that it said, “Oh yeah? You think that was bad? Hold my beer...”. Highlights/Lowlights: It was 108 degrees Fahrenheit (42 Celsius) or more each day. Which means every tourist, not just me, looked like they had the diarrhea sweats. I’m kidding, of course. There were no other tourists dumb enough to go to India in June, just us 🤦🏼‍♂️; My experience resulted in a 10-year aversion to Indian food. No joke. And I love Indian food. It’s just I had to reintroduce it slowly and painfully...e.g. Take a bite of naan, dry heave; Take a bite of chana masala, open the window for some fresh air; Take a bite of palak paneer, die inside; However, I was eventually able to develop an iPhone app that sends partially-debilitating electric shocks through your body as a friendly reminder anytime you’re in New Delhi and get further than a one-minute Olympic-style speed walk away from a public restroom. Granted, the early versions would just paralyze you and make you shit your pants (meaning, you weren’t really worse off), but we worked it out eventually. 👍🏻😅 #loveindia #incredibleindia
Load More... Follow on Instagram

© 2021 - All Rights Reserved.

The fine print: Every travel story is a complete fabrication. Truth is, I've never even left the United States (nor do I have a wife or kids).