Where the Kids Roam

Top 10 reasons Americans should visit England:

10. Eliminating your tan should take care of those pesky tan lines.

9. It’s our job as Americans to teach Brits how to control their obesity epidemic. They’ll only learn from our example.

8. Medical tourism. It’s common knowledge that England has the best dental schools, best dental facilities, best dentists, and the least used dental chairs.

7. You’ll actually be able to support a local family in need with your tourist dollars. I was told my money went to a large family called the Royal Family. They sound very deserving.

6. Fans of Pulp Fiction can finally eat a Royale with Cheese. Oh, wait, that’s France.

5. You can visit the Eiffel tower. Oh, wait, that’s France too.

4. England is very close to France.

3. You can finally figure out who the mysterious Earl Gray is.

2. English Hooligans are more than happy to calmly and politely explain to you the difference between soccer and football.

1. Two words: One Direction