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Our Two First Dates
In Cairo we were fortunate enough to meet two gentlemen who wished to spend an extended amount of time with us. Wishing to remain ever courteous in a foreign land, we gladly accepted both offers. Little did our suitors know, the battle was on to win our American hearts, and there could be only one winner. Here’s a breakdown of our “dates”:
- Age= 32
- How we met: We were lost and confused on a bus when we first arrived in Cairo. He sat behind us and poorly attempted to translate between the bus driver and us.
- Our first impression: Bad breath. Weak grasp of the English language. Poor dresser. A little too touchy-feely with Brandon. But, he seemed like a really nice guy.
- Why we agreed to the date: He totally bailed us out by paying our bus fare, as we had no Egyptian Pounds. Further, he walked us roughly 2km to our hotel’s front door, which was incredibly sweet.
- How we met up for our date: He showed up early at our hotel. We showed up late. He pounded on our hotel door and had everyone from the front desk frantically searching for us. After we arrived, he gently grabbed Brandon’s elbow and politely escorted him through crazy, bustling traffic to a waiting taxi, even opening the door. Caitlin followed several steps behind, had trouble getting through the dangerous traffic, and had to open her own door.
- Percent chance he is a virgin= 99.99%.
- Age= 42
- How we met: Exiting the metro station, we were heading for the Giza pyramids at 4 p.m. on a Wednesday (The wonderfully well-informed Lonely Planet stated that the pyramids were open until 7 p.m.). The veterinarian asked us where we were from, told us he was a “doctor,” etc. Knowing we were headed for the pyramids, he proceeded to lead us onto a minibus headed in his direction, only to send us in the opposite direction once he made his final destination (I assume he just wanted to talk to us longer). Over an hour later we arrived at the pyramids at 4:20 p.m. The pyramids closed at 4 p.m.
- Our first impression: He’s a “doctor,” which is nice. He was one of the few men who didn’t try to constantly sell us something.
- Why we agreed to the date: We didn’t really, we just didn’t have an excuse.
- How we met up for our date: He showed up early at a Kentucky Fried Chicken meeting point. We showed up 2 minutes late. We didn’t see him and were contemplating leaving; foolishly we didn’t. Apparently, in his words, after waiting for us for 10 minutes at one KFC, he went to another KFC two blocks away believing that we went to the wrong place. Then, after some time, he decided to check the third KFC in a three-block radius (three KFCs that close together!), which is where he found us. He proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes telling us (read: berating us) how he was on time but that we were very, very late. Great start.
- Percent chance he is a virgin= 99.98%.
The Choice of Restaurant:
The Accountant=Took us to an authentic Egyptian restaurant in a very hip neighborhood.
The Veterinarian= In a city with almost 8 million people, he managed to take us to the very same restaurant that the accountant took us to. Odds of this happening= 1 in ????
Highlights of our Dinner and Respective Conversations:
The Accountant= Told us he could have three wives should he so choose. Informed us that good Egyptian wives must be “strong,” meaning, able to copulate “8-10 times a day,” and in “any and all” ways requested by the husband. Asked us repeatedly if we understood what he meant when he said things like “anytime I like” or “anyway I like.” Constantly emphasized that his friends had such wives. Pointed to a music video (which was, we thought, ironically, very risqué, but actually turned out to be the norm) and said that the woman in it was very “strong.” Said he knew this to be true by “looking at her eyes.” Incessantly and annoyingly pushed our drinks towards us and occasionally even lifted our glasses (which contained juice, no alcohol of course) to our mouths so we could drink. Carried around a packet of tissues, sporadically dolling them out. Requested help in meeting a wife in America.
The Veterinarian= Ate with his mouth open. Spat food. Constantly pushed our food towards us, insisting that we eat more. Carried around a packet of tissues, sporadically dolling them out. Requested help in meeting a wife in America.
The Aftermath (post-dinner happenings):
The Accountant= He wanted to take us to a dance club that he had previously pointed out, but we told him several, several times that we really didn’t want to go. We finally assented to having a drink (alcoholic) with him if he wanted. We believed we would just head out to another restaurant. Turns out it was the club. We awkwardly danced with him and several others for an excruciating 20 minutes. This included him slow dancing with Caitlin. We quickly let him know that we wanted to go home. He then proceeded to ask us no less than 25 times whether we wanted to go home or stay. Each time our answer remained the same. We arrived back at our hotel where we (foolishly) agreed to go back to the club the following night. Later, by email, we told him that we were too busy and that, unfortunately, we would be unable to attend the club again. When we checked our email a day later, here is what we found:
“hi i happy to met you
i was want invit you in my home
i came in the time i wait you about 1 hour
. i to want to see you befor travil please in 11.30 pm tomoro
what your openion in me
i hope yo meet you you in usa if you want”
I’m not trying to be mean…our night out with him was incredibly uncomfortable. Thus, we have yet to reply. Please help us.
The Veterinarian= He decided to take us to his office so…um…we could watch him work. He euthanized cats while we sat on a sofa watching risqué music videos. After an hour of awkwardness, we requested to go back to our hotel. Strangely, he seemed perplexed at our choice, but eventually agreed to escort us to a taxi. He asked us to email him. We didn’t. We learned.
The Winner of our Affection and the Future Husband to One of Our Lucky Lady Friends:
Us. We feel as if we lost something – our time – which we can never, ever recover. Again, lesson learned.